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Gutmann, Furda, and the Philadelphia Brotherhood of Thieves: Part Seven, The Great Kaboom

(12/03/15 2:30am)

Thought the story was over just as it was getting good? THINK AGAIN. Here is the PENNultimate (lol) chapter of this semester's Serial feature. Be sure to check out Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five and Six and be sure to look for the eighth and final chapter next week. 

Good Places to Meet People at Penn!

(11/18/15 3:30pm)

Now that it's winter, it's time to start thinking about the necessity of having someone to cuddle with through the long, freezing nights ahead. For those of you who've complained recently about "how hard it is to meet people" at Penn (a university with 10,000 eligible undergraduates, located in a city with tens thousands of individuals under the age of 30), we've compiled a list of the five best places to meet people on Penn's campus. Don't be shy, Quakers. Strike up a conversation! 

It's Lookin' Like the Pope Summoned a Lunar Phenomenon!

(09/28/15 12:36am)

Can it be a coincidence that Pope Francis' trip is ending with a historic astronomical event? We think it's because Philly needed something cooler than porta-potties to impress the millions of visitors. Tonight circa 10:11 p.m., the moon is predicted to be subject to a TOTAL (not even partial!) lunar eclipse! And it gets even better because not only will we LITERALLY be able to see the moon ENTIRELY eclipsed, but we are also currently experiencing a supermoon! 

Alternative Ways To Roll At Fling

(04/16/15 4:24pm)

It’s nearly Fling, which means that a large portion of the Penn population will be talking about how cool and awesome and fun they are for rolling this weekend. Fewer people will actually end up rolling due to a combination of drunkenness and fear, but the ones that do hit up our pal Molly to jam to Kesha/Kygo will probably be sort of annoying about it because this is Penn.

Drugs Aren't The ONLY Thing You Shouldn't Pay For Over Venmo

(04/09/15 3:24pm)

Hopefully by now all of you have heard about the sophomore at Columbia who got arrested earlier this week for dealing a variety of drugs on campus. Alas, these things happen in college. But what makes this tale of substance abuse all the more bewitching is that he was caught for absurdly insisting that the people soliciting drugs pay him over Venmo as long as the caption was "something funny." It's likely that he probably doesn't think it's that funny now. 

PENN MADNESS: And the Winner Is...

(04/06/15 2:00pm)

In the biggest March Madness upset since yesterday in college basketball, it seems that Penn in Playboy has taken the Penn Madness title! It was a tough final round, but Penn in Playboy managed to gain the advantage against the worthy adversary Nail in Houston Muffin. Should we take this to mean that Penn kids value sex and partying over narrowly avoided nail ingestion? The answer is likely yes. Huge congrats to Penn in Playboy, you've now joined the ranks of The Theos Google Group Fiasco circa 2014! 

Mask & Wig Really Wants Us to Host Freshmen for Quaker Days

(03/31/15 10:32pm)

Quaker Days, the annual event when rising freshmen scurry around campus and become terrified of the place they're committing to spend four years, is drawing soon! Though it's sort of weird to have the Mask & Wig Club, FIJI, SPEC and Dean Funky Furda all demanding in unison that we do something, this video is pretty well done and advertises that if we agree to host a snot-nosed future-freshman, we might win a Playstation 4! All in all, this is pretty exciting stuff for a Tuesday. Click the link, sign up, and see if you meet your new best friend/future lover/worst enemy in the class of 2019.