The Top 10 Democratic Candidates as Types of Ice Cream
(09/11/19 1:48pm)
10. Julian Castro: Olive Oil Ice Cream.
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10. Julian Castro: Olive Oil Ice Cream.
The United States government is rife with bureaucratic mess, and the people of the US are fed up with the actions taken up by their leaders.
So, you’ve gotten into Penn. Congrats! You did great! Your parents will never say it, since your brother Mattias already has a wife, three kids, perfect hair, and a job on Wall Street, so we're saying it for them.
Yeah, I don’t take Temple boys.
So, you’ve met this great new girl at a party. She seems great — long dark hair, soulful eyes, passion for the occult and undead, a solid credit score, and a twinkling laugh that calls the ravens down from the bare trees.
Great.
You started off the year great. During NSO, the two of you were thick as thieves, going from sweaty basement to sweaty living room to sweaty basement as only the most ignorant of freshmen could.
In a surprise move, the President of the University of Pennsylvania has declared her candidacy for President of the Undergraduate Assembly (UA) for the 2019-2020 year. Amy Gutmann has served as the eighth President of the University, soon to be the longest serving president in the University’s tenure. She is also the Christopher H. Browne Distinguished Professor of Political Science and Professor of Communication in the Annenberg School.
New Presidential Professor of Practice Jeb Bush spoke early this year at an event sponsored by the Federalist Society, stressing the importance of limited government and checks on abuses of power. At the time, Jeb “Babyboy” Bush seemed strongly committed to his ideas, even lacking his traditional saddened slump and downcast eyes.
Hey.
We’ve all seen the excited news headlines – “Some Male Candidate is Running for President! A Win for Men Everywhere!”
In a shocking move (predicted by UTB over a year ago), the popular chain Wawa will begin charging for cups. Customers who used to take advantage of the offer of free water from the convenience store, will now need to buy a drink at the counter in order to fill up and stay hydrated.
Sing muses, of the sadness of Kelly, oh woe is me, oh terrible, awful woe.
Going in, these talks were hailed as a revolutionary step in the path towards diplomacy. In the press, this meeting was to be the end of years of controversy, which has included Kim disavowing President Trump through his preferred medium, Twitter. He had responded by going on a fierce tirade against Kim, thus alienating the entire Kardashian family against him, as well as the thousands of entertainment starved teenagers following along on their phones.
So, you've decided to give in and get a shiny sleek new laptop, which you will only ever actually use for Facebook, email, and online shopping. What an interesting and novel use of a machine that represents the pinnacle of human technological achievement paired with superior design and portability.
A Farewell to My love—
Normally, one can be in and out of CVS in under ten minutes. The store is designed with efficiency in mind — a mix of cashiers and electronic checkouts allows for the quickest possible egress from the Mecca of last-minute purchases.
Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) students have to balance military training, physical exercise, and maintaining excellence in their classes. They must be determined enough to endure the grueling schedule and brave enough to eventually be sent to the next oil-rich country.
Wharton hopes to produce successful graduates in a wide variety of fields, from finance, to investment banking, to finance, to many other job fields intent on maintaining the capitalist status quo.
Penn students in the Political Science program take on a rigorous curriculum which educates them on the complex workings of our political system. The major leads some to working on the Hill, researching public policy, or living unemployed out of their parent's basement.