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College sophomore Alexis Tremblay was woken up by natural light peaking through her blinds. She looked out her window, saw the blue sky and swaying trees, and thought, “Wow. I’m lucky to be here at Penn. I have a lot to be thankful for and I am excited to take on this day.”
My name is Chad and I’m a whore. I am also a feminist. But Mr. Preacher: being a feminist is not what makes me a whore—I promise.
Junior peer advisor Julia Cole has started reaching out to her freshman advisees. She’s encouraged them all to contact their pre-major advisor, apply to all the clubs that interest them, and to try some cocaine.
Wharton freshman Ethan Browdy has decided to enter the finance industry for a few years before launching a non-profit startup.
In order to improve PennCourseReview scores and save money, the Mathematics department has decided to dissolve its teaching division and replace it with a staff of cardboard cutouts of old men and Khan Academy videos.
Sophomore Allison Jackman begins all of her texts with a lowercase letter. While it comes off as chill and casual, Jackman actually uses it to compensate for her abrasive attitude.
An unidentified man recently booked a Group Study Room on the ground floor of Huntsman Hall to eat his Chipotle bowl and stare at the wall.
An alarming number of squirrels have recently been found dead on College Green. With so few showing signs of physical trauma, many assumed that this string of deaths was due to chemical poisoning.
A recent study by a Penn data science team has found that 89% of students who ride electric longboards end up sad and lonely.
Dearest Amy Gutmann,
Franklin’s Table recently opened at 36th and Walnut, and it has already drawn criticism from the Penn community for its steep prices and inaccessibility to locals.
A family of five has recently started a new life in the courtyard within David Rittenhouse Laboratory.
Junior Sarah Withers deals four thousand dollars' worth of coke every day. You might think she lives a glorious life of luxury and financial freedom. But, in reality, she has to keep her financial success a secret from her loved ones, and that can be hard for her.
Proper style is among the many pillars upon which my elite performance business service club was founded. Your socks must be dark if your shoes are, your belt must be nondescript, and your tie must be skinny and either gray or black.
College freshman Phoebe Slater has purchased a second laptop to have more space to display all of her laptop stickers. She announced the buy on Twitter, writing, “There was just no way to fit everything on my first MacBook Pro, so I bought a second.”
Hi, sorry if this comes off as rude, but I was just so busy working away on my 20x15 inch iPad Pro. I just can’t help myself—the interface is so smooth. It makes work an absolute joy.
Our best reporters here at UTB recently conducted an investigation into this spring's Econ 010 lecture. We had hoped to cover an exciting course that encapsulated Wharton and gave us new insight into Penn's pre-professional culture, but instead we found an unsettling, strangely erotic place shrouded in secrecy.
My father is the CEO of a multinational investment firm and my mother has won two Oscars, but when I step into Wawa, all that seems to disappear.
Group study rooms (GSRs) in Huntsman Hall are small rooms designed for interdisciplinary collaboration. Much of the time, though, there are only single students in each room, or, even worse, a group of students just aggressively staring out the window at passersby.
For Jess Kim (E '21), it was just another mixer with Castle. Upon arriving, she dropped her $2500 Moncler jacket behind a leather couch in a dark room—like she normally does—but when she returned to get it two hours later, it had mysteriously vanished.