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AirPennNet Celebrates 1 Million Hours Of Pornography Streamed On Network

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Photo by Pixabay / Pixabay License

The University marked the millionth hour of pornography streamed on the campus Wi-Fi network yesterday, according to Penn Information Systems and Computing. 

President Amy Gutmann announced the achievement in an official statement. “This is a historic day not just for the greasy pervs and smut freaks in our community, but for everyone in the Penn family,” she said. “We are so, so proud of each and everyone of you who logged onto AirPennNet to view indecent material.”

The milestone comes as a huge success for Penn, which has lagged behind other Ivy League schools in pornography consumption. Gutmann and the Board of Trustees have sought to boost erotica consumption through the Power of Porn campaign.

Gutmann has high hopes for the future of skin flicks at Penn. “One of the major things holding AirPennNet adult content streaming down is the use of off-campus, unaffiliated WiFi networks,” she said. “With all sophomores living in dormitories starting next year, far more X-rated videos will be viewed on our beloved AirPennNet.”

Craig Blum was the lucky deviant who watched the millionth hour. “As soon I opened my favorite site in a private window, my screen was saying “Hurrah! Hurrah!” in huge letters and “The Red and the Blue” started playing,” he said. “I was so happy. It was a dream come true.”

PennConnects