Year of the Rat Celebration Going Down 24/7 in the VP Basement
February 10, 2020 at 12:00 am
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 is the year of the rat. With the new year upon us, the rats of Van Pelt Library have been celebrating nonstop. “I see them popping bottles, toasting to health, wealth, and good fortune. Those charismatic little fuckers,” said College junior Max Wilson.
That’s right. Those grimey little rat boys are getting down and dirty at all hours of the day and night. “Happy new year,” said Martin Ledger, local rat. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this. I’ve had a tough couple of months. My wife left me and took the kids. They live on the first floor of Rodin now. But I really feel like this is going to be my year. Either way, I’m getting rowdy with the boys for sure.”
“They’re out of control,” said VP Security Guard Wilson Addams. “I saw four or five of them sharing a line of Adderall. Another five or six lifting Red Bull from Mark’s Cafe to make jager bombs. I’m at a loss,” he explained.
An inebriated rat who wished to remain anonymous expressed hopeful feelings towards the year to come. “2019 was the year of the pig—and let me tell you: Fuck the pigs. 2019 is over. It’s this filthy little piece of scum’s moment in the sun.”