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(10/06/19 1:24pm)
With cuffing season in full swing, it can be easy for students without a special someone to feel left out and lonely. Luckily, your trusted friends at Franzia have your back with their brand new, patented Boyfriend-Sized Bag of Sunset Blush, hitting store shelves in Philadelphia this month.
(04/22/19 6:39am)
The beginning of spring is always a beautiful time of the year at Penn. As the temperature warms up, students are free to spend more time outside, basking in the sunlight and taking in nature. But regardless of how pleasant this spring weather is, for God’s sake, professors can not just be going around showing off those frosty gams.
(04/21/19 12:58pm)
Greetings Penn community. I am your friendly campus Liquor Control Enforcement Officer. This past Spring Fling, several colleagues and I were dispatched to ensure that students were having a safe and legal weekend by going undercover and attending college parties. I am writing to inform all of you that this was extremely important and very much not a “waste of time and resources."
(04/15/19 12:56pm)
Wow, what a whirlwind of an election cycle. From advertisements on Locust to op-eds in the Daily Pennsylvanian, the student body has been totally enthralled by this crucial election for the last few weeks. Now, the votes have been cast, and a new board has been selected, and the Undergraduate Assembly can finally return to not impacting the day-to-day life of students as it was designed to do.
(04/07/19 2:26pm)
This semester’s UA election cycle has wrapped up and after fierce campaigns from all candidates, UTB conducted an exit poll to find out what issues most influenced voters’ decisions.
(04/04/19 5:28am)
Elite colleges across the nation saw historically large application numbers this year and Penn is no exception. According to the Admissions Office, the class of 2023 had the largest applicant pool in Penn’s history. Many attribute this to increasing competitiveness in college admissions and lower acceptance rates. Regardless, Penn has none other to thank than the 44,960 sweet summer children across the world who are sheltered from the harsh cruelties of the real world and think Penn would be the right choice for them.
(03/31/19 2:17pm)
On Thursday, Jonathan, a definitively white man, said the N-word for the 76th recorded time this month. The cause? Singing along to rapper Sheck Wes’ smash hit sensation "Mo Bamba".
(04/03/19 1:56pm)
Floral print, anchors — heck, even tiny little American flags: this guy’s got ‘em all. It’s officially springtime, so you know he’s busting out his wardrobe full of short sleeve button-down shirts. Everyone’s seen this guy. Here’s everything you need to know about him in case you couldn’t tell it all from a five-second glance:
(03/26/19 2:21pm)
Notable Penn alumnus Donald Trump has served massive spreads of McDonald’s and Chick-fil-A to White House guests on multiple occasions. There can only be one reason for this distinct break from presidential traditions: the Trump administration needs a really impressive open rush if they hope to recruit a large enough pledge class.
(03/20/19 1:54pm)
In the wake of the college admissions scandal that unfolded over the past week, the University of Pennsylvania has made a promise to its students and staff that there will be zero tolerance for admissions officers and coaches who take bribes from the families of prospective students. Therefore, in an effort to combat the temptation of bribes, Penn has vowed to give its entire administration $500,000 raises.
(03/15/19 4:02pm)
A new study from Penn’s Perelman School of Medicine shows conclusive evidence that recreationally consumed marijuana does not have the negative effects on behavior that were previously associated with the drug. So get off my back about it, Dad, Jesus fucking Christ. You can't stop me from smoking.
(02/28/19 4:21pm)
Wendell Pritchett, Penn’s 30th Provost, doesn’t seem that tough. I bet I could do more push-ups than him.
(02/19/19 7:22am)
Eliza Moss (C ‘21) is not your typical group project member. Sure, she shows up to the GSR on time and will volunteer to submit the assignment on Canvas. But even though she knows exactly how to solve 1e, 2b–d, 5a, and 8e, there’s no way in hell she is sharing that with her group-mates.
(02/17/19 5:19am)
New legislation in the state of Pennsylvania has officially made it illegal to ignore Venmo requests for more than 24 hours.
(02/10/19 4:40am)
Antonia Armstrong (E ‘21), a computer science major, spent 60 of the last 72 hours cramming for her coding project due on Monday.