Search Results
Below are your search results. You can also try a Basic Search.
(11/21/22 6:07pm)
The first fire was the fire of falsehood, “when we do not fulfill what we promised.” Next came the fire of avarice, “when we place our love of worldly riches before the riches of Heaven,” then the fire of discord, “when we do not fear to offend the souls of our neighbors even in superficial matters,” and the fourth the fire of irreverence, “when we think it nothing to despoil and defraud those weaker than ourselves.” The four rolodexed through my mind as I made my daily trek to the dining hall. Interactions all doomed from the start. Damned by their own inertia, they collapse in on themselves and follow this tragic pattern.
(11/21/22 11:00am)
After waiting two hours for an eyedropper-sized bottle of perfume and the Glossier "experience," college sophomore Elaine Miller was devastated Tuesday afternoon. She missed her STAT-1010 midterm.
(11/17/22 5:00am)
On November 16, 2022, a select few University of Pennsylvania performing arts groups held their annual Family Showcase Night in Irvine Auditorium. This is the event of the year for many empty-nesters who now have nothing better to look forward to than amateur standup comedy, a cappella, and interpretive dance. Unfortunately, a Penn A Cappella group (they wish to remain anonymous) encountered disaster after a practically life-threatening mistake was made. Thanks to in-depth and immensely involved research, Under The Button has compiled a comprehensive timeline of the tragedy.
(11/14/22 5:54pm)
Family weekend brings all kinds of parents to campus. Some want to see where their kid eats lunch, and some want to relive their college glory days by drinking beer with 20-year-olds. Either way, it’s the long-awaited event of the season for many. Even if your parents don’t come, it’s still an exciting time — you already know that your roommate is rich, now it's time to see if they also have a hot dad.
(11/14/22 5:45pm)
“Damn, still got at least a half hour left,” Adam Penner, Penn dad and self-proclaimed “history buff,” muttered under his breath in between rounds of flip cup. At that point, Adam was enduring his sixth hour at Penn and ninth hour of “family time” that day. "That is," he continues, gesturing to Mrs. Penner, “if you count the three hour car ride with Drinky Von-Pees-A-Lot.”
(11/15/22 3:48pm)
I really do! I loooovvveee Venn Diagrams.
(11/22/22 7:02pm)
(11/28/22 2:50pm)
This past weekènd, we were at a social soirèe with some of our closest acquaintances. Upon entrance, we encountered a lackluster scene. No formidable music was present, nor were any good feelings to be had. They didn't even have champagne, only sparkling wine… from *gag* Milan *gag*. (P.s. There is NOTHING to do in Milan. It is DEVOID of activity.) How were we supposed to quench our dire thirst with this pedestrian imbibement?
(11/17/22 5:19pm)
BUSTLETON AVENUE, PHILADELPHIA, PA – Hi Penn, I’m standing here outside of what used to be the “Broken Bones, Broken Hearts” Animal Shelter in Northeast Philly. And I have grave news. Just minutes ago, this building and all of the dogs, cats, bunnies, and other pets who lived here were blown up like helpless passengers on a plane crashing into a volcano.
(11/15/22 3:49pm)
Well, hello there.
(11/21/22 6:08pm)
“Damn, he does have that drip though,” I thought to myself as I walked past him on Locust. This guy... kinda sucks. For one, he is always talking to his friends during our lecture and it makes it hard for me to hear what our professor is saying. Not only that, but he has friends in our lecture! What a tool. I think he is in one of the cool fraternities, and to be honest he is probably more goated than I am. Furthermore, I heard him talking to his endless friends about his PS5. I want a PS5!
(11/11/22 5:42pm)
Following in the footsteps of legendary female business pioneers (don’t ask me to name one), Danielle Bregoli is slated to step foot on Penn’s campus as the leader of Venture Lab, Penn’s newest emetophilic attempt at selling wayward college students on a dream.
(11/15/22 3:48pm)
Tensions ran high among the Wharton student population last Thursday after three MBA students reported hearing a mysterious buzzing noise after the conclusion of the Wharton Undergraduate Edge Fund’s first meeting of the year in JMHH 366. Upon investigation, it was revealed that one of the Fund’s board members left a Hitachi Magic Wand plugged into a wall outlet.
(11/10/22 5:23pm)
Students were shocked last Saturday morning when they realized that the hand sanitizer dispensed in the Commons dinning hall had a slippery, sticky consistency.
(11/11/22 5:41pm)
A step above acquiring gay rights is gaining the ability to date outside of your assigned school. There’s just so little to talk about, ya know? If I, a political sciences major, start spewing things such as “Mearsheimer’s defensive vs offensive realism”, and he –a Wharton indictee– does not understand, am I simply to walk out of the beautiful date we are having at Houston hall?
(11/17/22 5:23pm)
Sure, you may have read this title and entered a state of reminiscence. Perhaps you even heard a melody or a voice in your head. Yeah ok this piece of writing is inspired by a Mitski song, so what? Is a leaf that grows from fresh bark not equally beautiful? If that same leaf were to fall on locust walk, does its beauty ever truly die out?
(11/09/22 2:44pm)
This Tuesday, I’m not voting on abortion, you stupid liberal, I’m voting for who’s going to make Pennsylvania feel like home. A real home. One with all the dainty little frills of suburban consumerism, and pithy rich blue-leaning men who smell and look like truckies.
(11/17/22 5:19pm)
Yikes. Your mom just sent you a text:
(11/21/22 6:07pm)
Commons breakfast, so liberating.
(11/07/22 12:30am)
What a rollercoaster of a day. What began as elation has ended in true sorrow and despair. Most people woke up today feeling refreshed, the extra hour of sleep leaving a sparkle in their eyes. Birds chirped and sunbeams glistened. Harmony and peace reverberated in the air. All was well.