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The first day of classes of fall 2020 has finally come, the day that all students have been waiting for. But there’s something askew. Though there are students walking up and down Locust Walk, all are wearing thick sunglasses, long sleeves, long pants, and scarves. The weather is 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
After years of painstaking work and toil, researchers at Penn have discovered a black hole right on the Penn campus.
Upon returning home from campus, Franny Glass (W '22) was surprised to see a massive cardboard box on her porch.
Everyone loves physics professor Randy Blamie. He is always able to explain the concepts very conceptually, using theoretical conceptual analogies to make the concepts easier to understand. He once compared voltage to having an anvil dropped on your head. Or was that current? Anyway, he’s good at explaining things, but only with his voice.
After playing some League of Legends and World of Warcraft the Friday before spring break, I decided it was time to get a head start on my homework. I lost track of time as I was doing it, but that's not unusual. While I was doing computer science homework, my roommate walked in and said something about “move out.” I was wired into my homework, so I didn’t really pay attention to him. He was probably just talking to his Counter-Strike team. I haven't seen him since. He’s one wild partier, I have to say.
They flash. They fade. They can turn on. They can turn off. I can choose from 20 different colors.
Pointing it here and there, slashing it all around, computer science professor Hackar Mann loves his laser pointer.
In an effort to cut costs and minimize physical person-to-person interaction in light of the coronavirus, Penn Admissions has announced that all early decision interviews will be conducted through a Snapchat video call.
As the midterm for MATH 101 approaches, diligent TA Eliot Rosewater has posted a packet of optional, creditless review questions to the course's Canvas page. At a massive seventy-five questions, it is the longest review packet yet.
After a tiring, boring, long, uneventful day in the daily engineering educational grind, Engineering sophomore Danel Pon returns to his dingy double in the high-rises and slumps into his unkempt office chair. He pulls out his 2016 Samsung phone and looks at the cracked screen. For the first time in what feels like weeks, his face melts into a genuine smile.
Every day for the past two years, Engineering sophomore Mander Phenn has thrown a coin into the fountain at the Hill dining hall.
On the night of Valentine’s Day, Wharton freshman Elio Pearlmin was spotted leaving the Gourmet Grocer with a condom and a bag of peaches.
Proposition: Righting seminar make freshman good writes
College life is when we are most susceptible to STDs. Here are some UTB approved ways to protect yourself against any sexual disease.
Excited about living with friends for the first time, Engineering freshman Henri Zheng has taken the opportunity to invite all his friends to live in his Rodin suite.
Most nights before going to sleep, my righteous roommate Fapel Knight calls upon the Lord by murmuring His name and clapping softly, inviting Him to watch over him in his sleep.
After years of experimenting with different ratios of alcohol, sugar, cocaine, and other white substances, the members of Omega Tau have succeeded in making the world’s strongest glue-trap for humans.
After scooping an unholy glob of peanut butter onto my omelet, I can’t help but wonder what’s at the bottom of the peanut butter tub. In recent memory, I have never seen its bottom, and, after consulting with many fellow explorers of the toast condiment station, I discovered that no one else had laid eyes on the bottom of the tub either.
A recent study by US News Report of American universities gave the “Best Professor” award to the Penn student body.
In an effort to combat rising stress and frustration levels among all Penn students, PennCAPS has decided to turn all group study rooms into padded rage rooms.