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Buying a Vibrator Won’t Solve All Your Problems (Unless It’s Clit-Sucking)

(02/14/20 5:00am)

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve heard the old adage “if you’re facing tough times just go get a vibrator and all your problems will be solved.” My mother told it to me, and she heard it from her mother before that. But I’ve been skeptical — after all I’m not like those other girls, and I crave the emotional intimacy that only a sexual encounter with a human person can give me. Or, at least I thought so before I got my very own clit-sucking vibrator.






Amy Gutmann Won’t Rest Until Every Child in West Philly Plays Squash — Here’s Why

(01/25/20 5:00am)

Penn has long been committed to listening to the broader West Philadelphia community. Although students often wrongfully question this claim—referencing the planned clearances of communities along Walnut, the double standards in the policing of Penn students and young people in West Philadelphia, and Penn’s unwillingness to pay PILOTS—Penn does so much in some ways.





22-Year-Old Becca Proudly Adding McKinsey’s 'Concentration Camp Team' to LinkedIn

(12/04/19 11:31pm)

With a single click and a sly smirk, 22-year-old, recent college graduate, Becca Lindenberg, finally got around to updating her LinkedIn profile. Now, everyone would know Becca is a full-time analyst working on McKinsey’s Concentration Camp Efficiency team, helping ICE detain migrant families in the cruelest ways possible.



'My Time at Penn Was Transformative,' Says Alumnus Who Acquired a Cocaine Problem While Here

(11/16/19 4:58pm)

Homecoming weekend brought back to this fine university alumni from all walks and corners of life. From Wall Street to the Upper East Side and to the black Escalade which shuttled them to and fro, Ivy-League graduates from a time before the present returned to their alma mater to get fucked up and reflect upon their life-altering times here. 








Arts Group Performance Looks Very Fun for Them

(10/23/19 2:51pm)

When I was asked to attend a Penn performing arts show to write a review for Under the Button, I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. Just 15 minutes into the show, one thing was clear to me and everyone in the audience, these guys were having fun. With all of the dancing, and singing, and costumes, this show was about to be a blast for them.





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