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Summer is coming to an end, so it's time to hit the books to beat the very real threat of summer slide, losing all that precious knowledge you learned during the school year! Take this quiz to see how much of school you've retained this summer.
This just in, Wharton senior Julia Huges has made the conscious decision to skip the summer body and go straight to the winter bod.
While all students are excited to return to campus, this year's freshmen and sophomores are especially eager to experience their first semester of college life.
"It's so slow!"
Save yourselves. It’s too late for me—but there’s still time for you. I’m sitting here, 19, with reading glasses perched on the bridge of my nose, a warm cup of chamomile tea in hand, and an inhibiting fear of dehydration that consumes the entirety of my being. I have reluctantly accepted the brutal truth: I have become my mother.
Believe it or not, the start of the school year is coming up fast. With a freshmen class double the usual size (since we're certainly not counting sophomores who had only a year of Zoom as anything more than freshmen), this year's junior class feels particularly optimistic about the upcoming year.
While Gutmann has made many important contributions to Penn, one of her most significant failures was her refusal to address the skyrocketing prices of recreational ketamine at the university and the greater Philadelphia community.
Quake Magazine has announced that they will be pivoting from highlighting “bodies, relationships, sex, and love of all kinds through an inclusive, artful space” to exclusively showcasing furry porn starting this fall.
Oops! Mass flooding in Germany was not what former Penn President, Amy Gutmann, hoped to find just three weeks after being nominated to serve as Ambassador to Germany.
Late last night, an unimaginable crime was committed.
The Board of Trustees of the University of Pennsylvania has just announced Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, as the new president of the University, replacing Amy Gutmann after her final term.
As photo dumps take social media by storm, everyday teens march to their platforms to show their following every side of themselves: a blurry night on the town because I can let loose! A blossoming tree, because I'm not just a city girl… I'm pensive! A quote from a book, because I'm literate and proud.
It’s the day you got back from Cabo spring break, and you already got into a fight with mom. You sprint upstairs, run into your room, and scream, “you’re a fucking cocksucker, mom!” as you slam the door behind you. The thrust of the door disrupts the wind patterns in your room—or lack thereof—and suddenly, you feel a presence looming over your shoulder, breathing down your neck.
Hey gays! It’s July, and that means the attention is off of us for a while. July is actually the month of straight pride (4th of July), so it might be worthwhile to take up some hobbies while you wait for the limelight again.
"Hello, welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?" Those sacred words made my heart leap. I had been waiting for them all day.
In the past several months, a handful of Penn alums have qualified for the Olympics. Wharton student, Anthony Quill '22, has recently qualified for Olympic track and field after an impressive Netflix marathon time of 4 days, 6 hours, 23 minutes, and 44 seconds.
On June 1, the UPenn Association of Bottoms gathered outside White Dog Cafe in University City to protest the restaurant’s “bottomless brunch” option.
Listen. I'm sure there's news today. But not everything needs a huge detailed explanation. I don't care what's going on in the world. Use context clues to figure it out. Do your own research. I don't get paid to write here, and honestly, I'm getting sick of everyone always asking me to report on things that I don't care about.
So, I've been going a little stir crazy from my childhood bedroom and am looking for something to do to pass the time. I want to be clear; I have been doing things. Watching Netflix and sniffing glue are worthwhile pastimes. There are only 8 weeks until I'm back in school, and since I can't find a professional job that will hire me, I thought I might be internship material.
Hey, it’s me, @jacksonjabbers from Twitter. I noticed you aren’t retweeting me yet. I write for Under the Button, which makes me funny, but in a casual Twitter way, and not in an overbearing way. As a part of the Penn Twitter community, I believe it is my right as an Under the Button writer to receive praise for my “great Twitter,” where I tweet things like “I have to be the sexiest girl in 1920 commons” or “time to engage with lip gloss discourse.” Since I’m gay, I also get to tweet about poppers and Mitski as a bonus.