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The overpriced Louie Louie on Walnut is a common stop for tourists and visiting parents. However, freshman who started dating during NSO haven’t figured that out yet, and this month is their collective six-monthiversary.
So you’re at a point in the semester we all knew was coming. It was on the syllabus. The teacher told you in class. You have a report due tomorrow, but you spent the entirety of last week watching reruns of Friends. If we’re being honest, you spent the entirety of this semester watching reruns of Friends. You definitely have a bigger problem than turning in your reports late.
Hey you! Yeah, you. Wow, cute. You must be a freshman because you clearly don’t know who my daddy is. Can you even tell me, idiot? Seriously, bro, you don’t even know? I was really expecting more from you? I was really hoping you could help me finally meet my dad, bro?
Philly is a city in need of a protector. And for the small, heavily guarded and heavily gentrified bubble that is Penn, Scoot Squad is up for the challenge. Never heard of us, you say? Allow me to enlighten you.
I love writing articles for Under the Button like I love eating ice cream alone at 2 a.m.: with a little bit of passion and a whole lotta’ shame.
As of last week, Amazon pulled out of their HQ2 plans for Queens, closing off anticipated job opportunities for many. So, basically, as of last week, senior Whartonite Jeremy Anders’ life was ruined.
To the one that got away,
Not gonna lie, writing for Under the Button can be a pretty tough job. Every week, I write two whole articles — that’s almost 200 words combined! Deciding whether to write about Canada Goose jackets or Van Pelt bag checks every week takes a lot of time and — let's be real — is totally the reason I haven’t done any of my reading all semester.
Braden is a PPE major, and he’s not afraid to show it. It is a known fact that Braden has at least one pocket constitution on his person at any given time. So which is it? No more guessing games, B r a d e n. Is that your pocket constitution or are you excited to see me?
To the University of Pennsylvania leadership, mental health is of the utmost importance. In last week’s University Council meeting, Associate Vice Provost and Chief Wellness Officer Benoit Dubé stated, “Stress is not the enemy but rather should be thought of as an opportunity for growth."
In October 2018, TikTok was the most downloaded app in the United States. With around 500 million active users including celebrities such as Jimmy Fallon and Tony Hawk, it is easy to understand the hype.
The overwhelming light of the overcast sky hit Engineering sophomore Jeremy Gordan’s face as he walked from his dorm. In his fist, he clutched his crumpled masterwork: a completed written copy of his CIS 160 homework.
Philly winters can be tough, especially for those who haven’t experienced frigid temperatures before. To help students who have no concept of the difference between 30 degrees and 10 degrees, Penn meteorologists have created a new scientific unit of measurement for any temperature falling below 30 degrees — "As Fuck."
In recent news, frequent Penn donor Ronald O. Perelman has donated 65 million dollars to Princeton University. This generous donation will go towards Princeton’s first new residential hall in over 15 years.
When walking through Frogro at night, many Penn students find it difficult to make decisions. After all, there are only so many reasons someone would be at a Frogro past 11 at night and none of them involve good decision making skills. Whether you're drunk or just lonely, you don’t deserve to be judged every time you walk past the guy restocking aisle four, even if it is the fourth time you’ve walked by.
College isn’t about the homework, it’s about the experience. For some, that experience involves community service or starting a campus organization. For others, that experience means going to a BYO at spicy memory for the eighth time instead of turning in your math assignment that’s due at midnight.
At this point in the semester, every Penn freshman has either learned to sneak Tupperware out of the dining halls or learned to sneak other, non-TupperwareTM plastic containers out of the dining halls. Tupperware is necessitated by odd dining hall hours and the semi-annual palatable dish.
So you’re addicted to watching reruns of nostalgic but mediocre sitcoms from the 90’s. There’s no shame in that! Except, oh wait yeah there is. But have no fear. Here are five ways to casually imply that you do, in fact, have a life.
Last Saturday marked the unveiling of a new future for vegans at Penn: more fucking hummus!
Every Penn freshman knows: you step on the compass, you die. No, wait. Our sources have a correction. Every Penn freshman knows: you step on the compass, you fail your first midterm. But really, what’s the difference?