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E.D. Admitted Students Excited to Share That 'Yes, Penn Was my First Choice, and Not Because my College Counselor Said I Wouldn't Get into Princeton’

(12/16/18 4:50pm)

This Thursday's release of early admissions decisions for the class of 2023 warranted immense tears, hugs and pride of the admitted students and their parents, who are proud to fork over that 50 grand for tuition (not including fees, housing, and dining!). 

OP-ED: When Is It Time for My Suitemates and I to Start Speaking Freely About Pooping? It's Gotta Happen Eventually, Right?

(12/03/18 7:45pm)

Freshman Fall often lends itself to intimate suitemate bonding — you'll likely see them cry, laugh, and even vomit within the first two days of NSO. My suitemate and I can even talk about periods or weird sex-related things. We’ve bonded enough, right? Why, then, is it so hard for us to talk about pooping?

CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby

(11/05/18 6:59pm)

On Monday, University administrators announced that they would make big strides to fight mental illness on Penn’s campus, placing a licensed CAPS clinician in Huntsman Hall. Although salaried with tuition dollars primarily from the College of Arts and Sciences, the CAPS clinician will only be available to counsel Wharton students.

Spooky! Half the People at This Party Have Hand Foot Mouth Disease but We Won’t Say Who

(10/26/18 7:21pm)

Fall is coming to an end with winter right around the corner, and you know what that means— Halloween szn is here! Every house, club, and frat is ready to throw the freakiest get togethers of the season. None will be more spooky than the upcoming Halloween party at ΒΩΩ. UTB reporters have confirmed half of the party guests will have festering Hand Foot Mouth disease, but for privacy reasons, we cannot tell you which guests those will be.

'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation

(11/07/18 6:36pm)

This is my story of what happened. It's the story of what I saw, felt, and thought during two of the most intense years I've ever experienced, and the story of the think pieces that I read (well, skimmed) after the fact which gave me a definitive grasp on why Donald Trump is now our president. Hillary Clinton wants to tell you “what happened.” I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.