Reviewing the Feng Shui of Penn’s Bathrooms

What makes a house a home? A library a sanctuary? A bathroom a safe haven? I’ll tell you what: the harmony of the elements, the flow of air, the subconscious comfort achieved through deliberate interior arrangement; the feng shui, if you will. The following lavatories have been evaluated on the basis of their energy, intention, and design, because this kind of stuff matters.

Commons has it all: toilet paper (often), soap (sometimes), paper towels (Monday-Wednesday), menstrual products (on special occasions). Unfortunately, I struggle to understand the angular structure of this room, its two main walls facing each other at such an angle that the sinks and stalls are just misaligned enough to notice. But despite its off-putting architecture, this bathroom absolutely gets the entrance right. Upon entry, the individual is neither isolated in a vestibule nor immediately immersed in the room. Rather, one has a complete view of the room, but may take it all in before proceeding, a great comfort for the patron. 

I also love the personality of the Commons bathroom. One can never predict what artistic brilliance awaits them in their stall, etched into the door or scrawled on the wall. I find myself lost in thought gazing from the toilet at decade-old graffiti. Simply incredible what we humans can come up with.

Feng Shui Score: 5/10

This bathroom is the scariest place on campus. Possibly the only thing more vulnerable than a toilet that looks directly into the mirror is a door that opens to directly reveal the toilet in profile. As the only bathroom on the floor with this floor plan, one can only wonder whether this was a sick joke or an experiment gone wrong, never to be repeated. Bonus points for lots of hand rails though. Safety first.

Feng Shui Score: 0/10

My favorite thing about this bathroom is that it probably hasn’t been renovated as long as the museum has had indoor plumbing. Step into a time capsule with these wooden doors, marble accents, and Covid-era hand-washing stickers; then step out of the bathroom directly into the museum’s fabulous Africa gallery! I appreciate the natural light, the industrial edge of exposed pipe, and the generous stall-wall gaps just wide enough to make meaningful eye contact with the person waiting for your stall. Practically, this bathroom makes sense. The sinks are a thoughtful barrier between window and stall, and the difficult shape of the space is masterfully manipulated to feel neither cramped nor fully open. It even has a single folding chair that rests permanently in the back corner. I can’t help but feel fully comfortable in this space.

The teeny weeny brass locks on the doors are my favorite detail! And most of them work, even! :3 

Feng Shui Score: 8/10

Just beyond the homey kitchen of the beloved Writers House resides an equally comfortable bathroom. The door opens to perfectly display a forward-facing toilet and adjacent sink, an expert intersection of design and psychology yielding the most comfortable environment. The pale yellow doors thoughtfully complement the burnt umber tiles. Next to the sink stands a shelf whose stock of paper towels, tissues, and sanitary products never dwindle, and above it a framed collage. Behind the toilet is a frosted window, just transparent enough to let in the natural light without any weird stuff. The Mona Lisa of lavatories, this bathroom is magnifique. 

Feng Shui Score: 10/10

This bathroom is unsettling. The uneven tile pattern really gets on my nerves, and why is the counter so long? And why is there a hole in the counter? And why isn’t the trashcan placed under that hole? And why, when I exit, do I walk directly into a bookshelf? I have very many questions and very few comments on this bathroom.

Feng Shui Score: 3/10

This bathroom perfectly complements its host building: sterile, cold, soulless. I consistently find myself in fight or flight when entering its tile vestibule, anxious for what awaits me around the corner. I am greeted by far-too-bright light—LED strips, perhaps—that make my eyes heavy; more than once I’ve found myself closing my eyes in the privacy of my stall. While this shiny, minimalist experience certainly conveys cool modernity, this bathroom has a crushing ego. Some soft mood lighting and an additional soap dispenser would breathe precious life into this hopeless place.

Feng Shui Score: 6/10