You’re an older freshman and everything seems perfect: you just matched with a girl on Tinder, you both have your ages listed at 19 or 20, everything is in order. Then she hits you with a dreaded question: “What year are you?”
You’re an older freshman and everything seems perfect: you just matched with a girl on Tinder, you both have your ages listed at 19 or 20, everything is in order. Then she hits you with a dreaded question: “What year are you?”
Yeah, I obviously feel bad, but seriously Uncle Chris…timing much?
This year changed the game.
It’s sure to come in first place at this year’s national cum fossil convention.
Have you ever wondered why the security guards at Van Pelt check your backpacks and don’t seem concerned with much else?
As controversy brews over our handling of Penn Fight Night 2023, my guilty conscience implores me to break my silence. I, Ted Kwee-Bintoro, Vice President for Partnerships, Charity Affairs, and General Malfeasance of the Wharton Graduate Association, spent the missing money. But it went to a good cause: I’m doing a couple fat rails tonight.
An anonymous source has leaked that the one quiet kid who’s actually really fucking sneaky was the winner.
I’ve been thinking about how to make Big-Little Week more about me, and I finally realized my very close personal connection to the various sisterhoods across campus.
I could see the parents think to themselves, “Wow, they sure didn’t look that unhappy at Harvard!”
Community Service? No thanks, I prefer community disservice. Next time you offer me a flier or ask me to buy from your bake sale, please don’t! I don’t need your handouts, I’m not a charity. You are!
Thanks to my once-daily prescription of chewable 80-mg sildenafil from the men’s telehealth provider Himsᵀᴹ, I’m unafraid of “cancel culture.” While others stay soft, I get so hard that I turn blue in the face.
Is Charlotte the Virgin Mary of aquariums, or just a freaky lil gal...
I don’t know about you guys, but my money's on Fred the alcoholic. I heard that guy can pound ‘em back like there’s no tomorrow!
“I’m interested in the metaverse. I’m excited for it as someone broadly interested in technology. But no I didn’t buy it for VR Porn”
Though Penn Global Seminar courses have deceptively claimed to broaden horizons and deepen cross-cultural understanding, OFSL’s new initiative clarifies that their true purpose is to provide “feel-good” service opportunities.
While you have heard compelling arguments supporting Israel and Palestine from experts at the top of their fields, (socialist girls and frat guys who have taken one poly sci class) breaking news shows that there is new information regarding the conflict.
I’d rather listen to my dentist perform a root canal using some rusty drill
Have your eyes been opened to the truth?
Solutions by The State News
