You’ll imagine my profound disorientation when I couldn’t find the “ethnic section” complete with tostadas, instant madras curry, white people trying to make TikTok cucumber salad, and of course, my Lee Kum Kee Sauce Chili Garlic - 8 oz.

We get it, you went to KitKatClub last night. Whatever. You can literally do that in Philadelphia too. It’s called TLO.

ABG? I think one of my friends interned there last summer.

"Eh, I figured I’d talk to them for like an hour and see if I got a job."

How am I supposed to function in a space with the characteristics of a space such as this space here?

I put in so much work into my ice breaker and they literally don’t care if I die or not.

Some things are more beautiful when they are left as ideas.

When Wharton Wellness’ paramilitary wing showed up to Gregory College House with a warrant, I knew that my luck had run out.

THIS IS FACETIOUS I PROMISE THIS IS IN JEST THIS IS FROLICSOME ALL IS WELL

Time is not linear. 

When questioned for comment, the brothers only had good things to report about the now-international Trillo. “It’s just nice to be with some of your own,” responded a Castle brother from the Philadelphia Main Line. 

It’s not in Philadelphia that I will write my magnum opus or cure my own common cold, but in a place unknown to man.

From the GSRs, the Wharton students who book them can see every non-Wharton student, but these second-class citizens will never know whether or not they are being watched.

Whatever happened to DEI?

Everything will have been nothing when it is all over. You must do to be. Yes, I will go to Penn Chinese Theatre's fall show.

Proudly, I #runondunkin

“OMG bitch, he’s so into you!” I reply. 

Eat a burger, you sick fuck.

Epilepsy is no joke 

Why is it that when you kiss him you can forget your name?