How was your spring equinox? I almost forgot to ask.

AND that bitch from my history class invited my situationship to formal. Everything. Is. Ruined.

Heaven looks a lot like Facebook marketplace

They're the new kids in town. 

None of these words were in The Bible. 

Next thing you know, you're transferring out of Wharton and into the School of Working Makeshift Iron Blast Furnaces on the College Green.

Having Halal Food Won't Absolve You of Your Sins

Definitely the easiest of the two capitol stormings I have participated in in my lifetime.

not a veteran I am not a veteran I do not identify as one or more

For months we’ve been getting complaints that our ingredients aren’t clean. How can anything be cleaner than meat that was literally just washed in water?

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has put together their best team in decades, with several players having used their wishes for basketball lessons from pro stars such as Michael Jordan, Devin Booker, and Blake Griffin.

Check it out.

Some engineering students have spoken to Under the Button reporters directly to comment on their nymphomania. However, we could not understand them due to their poor social cues. It really is a mystery how they’re getting some.

You try to speak. I silence you with a forceful yet caring neigh. You gaze into my eyes, stunned at my display of horsey power. I lean in and whisper into your ear the wise words of 90’s R&B icon Ginuwine: Ride this pony.

A recounting of pre-break events

Dozens of lost souls roam the rainy campus in search of a warm, quiet place to consume pop culture and do vape tricks.

After setting up headquarters in the lounge, the group proclaimed that they will be holding hostages until a “high rise 4BR with a pretty view” opens up. 

The girls have already formed close bonds and decided to create their own pseudo-sorority, titled in the typical Greek fashion: “Yo Gabba Gabba”.

Buckle up and let's discover some great foods together...

 As Marx once said, “let the people darty.”