Jonah Weinbaum


Articles

What Freshmen Had to Say About the Annual NSO Masquerade Orgy

While you may have attended the toga party during your orientation week, hopefully you didn't miss out on Penn's Annual NSO Masquerade Orgy. Always a hit amongst freshmen, staff, faculty, and alumni alike, we checked in with some (anonymous) underclassmen to get their reactions on the event.


Four Ways to Make a String-And-Can Telephone to Cheat on Finals

1. Use a string from the string store and a can from the can store.


Honest Mistake: Robert Kurzban Thought His Class Roster Was a List of Cute Singles in the Area

Robert Kurzban, the Penn psychology professor currently in the news for having romantic relationships with his students, has finally given an explanation for his actions.



Penn Students Now Bandwagon Fans of Every Philadelphia Sports Team Except the Phillies

“I’ve been a fan of the ‘Sixers since Dr. J joined the team in ‘76,” Wharton freshman Billy Hayes said. “Been trusting the process all along, and it’s finally starting to pay off.”


Host Shortage Forces 300 Prospective Freshmen to Sleep on College Green

College Green was covered in sleeping high school seniors Thursday night, as a lack of willing hosts forced Quaker Days attendees to embrace the great outdoors.


This Master Barterer Traded up From a Ferrari to a Pool Party Wristband

“I thought to myself, ‘I wonder how far I can take this?’” Michaels said.


Simply Chaos Comedian Takes on Taboo Subject of Masturbation

In his stand-up set during the Chaos show this past weekend, Andrews warmed up the crowd with the standard jokes about his strange childhood and how awkward he is in social interactions.














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