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Hey man, how have you been?... Yea this was definitely a really busy midterm week for me too. But uh, hey, remember when we went to AC for Feb club? Yea that was so much fun right. I got so wasted haha. I’m pretty sure we were together at that one club — you know, the one with the really high ceilings. Yea that was such a good time.
It was quite the scene earlier this week on Locust Walk, as an interesting spectacle unfolded on the compass. As usual, there was a student attempting to hand out copies of the Daily Pennsylvanian to passerby. With each person that passed, College sophomore Sophia Arias extended a sad hand with a copy of a drooping paper, her eyes pleading that someone complete the gesture. As is the life of a DP employee though, she was only met with disappointment.
Earlier this week, The Daily Mail ran a story showing Malia Obama Drinking an “$80 bottle of wine” at a Miami beach pool party. Photos in the article showcase the eldest Obama daughter lounging about in a towel and black one-piece swimsuit, drinking wine with a close few friends. This has brought about a mixed response from the public: many are outraged that she is drinking underage while many call it an invasion of privacy.
You’re with your cute date at a happy hour – or maybe a date night. Who remembers? Things have gone well so far. You’ve made a couple funny jokes, bought yourself a few drinks, and almost touched hands while sitting in the Uber. You’re hoping they’ll invite you over (you haven’t done laundry since you moved out of the quad), but you know one thing for sure: no matter what happens, you will not be getting hard tonight. Here are five mixed drinks that scream “I am physically incapable of having an erection.”
Valentines Day is a beautiful celebration of love and adoration. All across the globe, people are going the extra mile to remind that special person in their life just how much they matter. Romance, flowers, dinner, a little desert? Valentine’s day is just a whirlwind of joy and intimacy for everyone.
FNAR. That’s fine arts major for all you uncultured plebs, and you better believe what I’m packing is fine. I’ve always had an artistic eye. I can take the mundane and make it beautiful, draw meaning out of seemingly nothing, create a sense of awe whenever I want – and that’s exactly what I’m doing when I take pictures of my dick.
So Brendan is obviously number one, I mean no question. He looks like Timothée Chalamet mixed with every soccer player ever. Fuck, he could cut steak with that jawline, and I’m talking prime beef. He doesn’t even have to open his mouth — his eyes alone are dropping panties.
Look I’m not one for conspiracy theories, but ever since they dug this pit for the New College House, things have just seemed off. I’m not sure what it is, but there’s definitely some spooky shit happening down there.
Every year during new years, millions of people decide on bullshit ways to better themselves. Losing weight? No thanks. Eating healthy? Yeah, good luck with that. Being a “nicer person”? Who even are you? Those resolutions are stupid and tame, but this year, I’m going after the big one. In 2019, I will resist the ultimate temptation: I’m not gonna jerk off in Van Pelt anymore.
“Yo, I gotta take a pledge class pic real quick. I’ll be back in a minute." With these words, College sophomore Sarah Bergen found herself completely alone.
Earlier this week, sophomore Jonathan Bradley decided to head over to Hunstman Hall to get some work done on his Engineering Ethics paper. As soon as Bradley was past the security guard, however, curiosity got the better of him.
Since Donald Trump (W ’68) assumed the presidency, environmentalists have been concerned about how his policies would affect the environment due to his cavalier attitude toward restrictions on businesses and his claim that climate change is a Chinese hoax.
For two months now, the public was under the impression that Engineering junior David James has been studying abroad in Zurich, Switzerland. Saying goodbye to his family and friends, James embarked on his journey, eager to embrace a new culture and get out of the Penn bubble. Recent reports, however, have shed new light on this situation.
Hey there, really gonna need you to turn the music down… Haha, just kidding dude. Live it up! Its me, Craig; technically I’m your RA, but I like to think of myself more of a "RAD." It spells rad, like radical, and those are really the vibes I’m trying to bring to my hall.
Alright everyone, let me ask you this: where has George Lopez been? We all loved the George Lopez show — goddamn that theme song was incredible — but it went off the air in 2007. Are we really to believe that George Lopez, triple threat entertainer and perennial Oscar snub, has done nothing since then? Yes, he did that weird talk show thing, but I think it’s better for everyone if we just pretend that didn’t happen.
Wow, I had such a great time with you tonight. I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great. The venue was amazing, the food was delicious, and our conversation was only moderately forced and uncomfortable.
Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute. Sorry to bother you on Locust, but I just wanted to talk to you about something really important that’s affecting Penn’s campus.
For years, the religious studies program at Penn has been a leading the cutting edge of religious scholarship. Junior Jacob Martinelli has been taking classes within the program since freshman year and has fallen in love with the field.
When I applied to Penn, I made sure to put the Quad as my top housing priority. Everyone told me things like, “Oh it's so social—you’ll love your hall,” and like, “Oh it’s the real college experience—it's so traditional.” You know, I really believed them. Opening up the housing form and seeing the word "Ware" emblazoned on the screen: well, for the first time in a long time, I was happy.
For years, Gene Klein (W ’21) has been complaining about his lack of sleep.