We at UTB have amassed a core set of caring techniques for those with roommates who get no play

go birds

Dean Sniegowski sighs, “Another cross cultural analysis course wasted on crosswords.”

Hiiiii haha this might be a silly question but how do you transcribe jʊər aɪz ɑr soʊ ˈbjutəfəl?

As the hunt for a little begins (game on!), here are some fun activities to do with your new PC to help find your lins’ newest blonde babe

When I see a button nose it makes me so ill that I just have to throw up in my mouth.

What could have caused this? Hmm. Maybe it’s the fact that you stole so many frozen chicken pot pies that they keep a portrait of you in every Perdue factory farm?

“Chill as hell” as in “babe, I just gotta let you know, your uncle Tony is chill as hell.”

Did you know the 6-year undergraduate graduation rate is 102%?

Mother, please. I know you’re upset but I hope you’ll understand.

The mice had found the cheese, classic. The moths were swarming my intermittently functional fridge light. A new set of morels had begun to sprout from a set of button mushrooms I had previously purchased at Trader Joe’s.

The staffer's phone is filled with videos of minors singing karaoke, dancing, passing resolutions, pretending to give birth, and other various acts the children's parents remain unaware of. 

She was eating boiled potatoes and some sort of dried fish. Gross. Damn. It was like 10:00am.

He's Lovin' it!

Missed out last weekend? Need a quick study break? Head on out back to the Academic Research Building!

Omg you took pictures of me?

A new report from my chauffeur explains I am very smart, and even if my parents didn’t go here 30 years ago, I still could have still gotten into the University of Pennsylvania.

Don't worry about the hyperlinks, they're safe to click. I promise. 

Sisterhood is forever, and so are Venmo receipts.

You anguished for nine months over something stupid. Now you can be normal.