Flu Shot Horror Story: My Nurse Was in SDT
I have a tattoo behind my ear and I’m still scared of needles and do you believe in false dichotomies?
Opinion
Fasting for God or Fitting Into Jeans? This Yom Kippur, UTB Asks: Why Not Both?
This Yom Kippur, I’ll be thanking God for the ultimate gift: repentance and a size 24.
Flu Shot Horror Story: My Nurse Was in SDT
I have a tattoo behind my ear and I’m still scared of needles and do you believe in false dichotomies?
Four Recipes for Cooking Moo Deng
I’m not sure what type of animal she is but she looks delicious.
Fasting for God or Fitting Into Jeans? This Yom Kippur, UTB Asks: Why Not Both?
This Yom Kippur, I’ll be thanking God for the ultimate gift: repentance and a size 24.
What My Commons Dinner Says About You
I am the fucking Commons alpha.
Student Learns That the Slow Descent of Becoming Just Like Their Unstable, Alcoholic Parents Is Actually Awesome
Clark doesn’t describe himself as an alcoholic, however; rather, he is a connoisseur of the Lites.
Crazy Thought: Let’s Install Urinal Dividers At Smokes
I am fighting for YOUR rights to not be metaphorically —or literally I’m not judging— smacked with dicks of varying sizes in your peripheral vision.
Don’t Talk To Me, I’m On My Theoriod
And this month, it’s getting heavy.
OP-ED: I’m Glad There’s No Quegger for Gay Men
You'd All Be Too Messy
10 Ways to Boost Your Social Status at Penn
10 tips from the hottest social climbers in University City.
Op-Ed: Penn Should Accept More Qatari Money
It's kinda like printing more money but not bad.
It’s Murder on the Dance Floor: My American Roommate Says I’m Exactly Like Fleabag
And, no, I don’t think it’s because Fleabag and I are both skinny and brunette.
Welcome Back! We Preferred You Abroad.
So much happened last semester and it would take way too long to catch you up. Like Mark, for example, almost got a girlfriend. Twice.
Faking Interest
An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania.
My Uncle Tried to Make My Spring Break About Him by Announcing His (Benign) Brain Tumor
Yeah, I obviously feel bad, but seriously Uncle Chris…timing much?
Four Oscar Looks That Blew Me
This year changed the game.
OP-ED: Sorry I Took That $90k. It Went to a Better Cause.
As controversy brews over our handling of Penn Fight Night 2023, my guilty conscience implores me to break my silence. I, Ted Kwee-Bintoro, Vice President for Partnerships, Charity Affairs, and General Malfeasance of the Wharton Graduate Association, spent the missing money. But it went to a good cause: I’m doing a couple fat rails tonight.
Girl Scouts Cookies? Sorry, I Only Buy From For-Profit Entities
Community Service? No thanks, I prefer community disservice. Next time you offer me a flier or ask me to buy from your bake sale, please don’t! I don’t need your handouts, I’m not a charity. You are!
Has This Generation Gone Too Soft? Not Me, Thanks to Himsᵀᴹ
Thanks to my once-daily prescription of chewable 80-mg sildenafil from the men’s telehealth provider Himsᵀᴹ, I’m unafraid of “cancel culture.” While others stay soft, I get so hard that I turn blue in the face.
