SAE was even rumored to throw late nights and events, how festive! Students even called SAE "dank," as a California girl who loves to hit the blunt, I was sold.

I’m literally addicted to food I have to eat it every day.

That building is The Gutty. Guh-tee. ?????.

How could I disobey such an important cause, such a vital commandment? 

You’re gonna come, they dangle a pocket watch in front of your face. Your vision goes black. All you can think about is the Mask & Wig show. You’re convinced. 

Get it over with, wet and sloppy, just like I asked.

“You’re so good at Math 1400… I wish I could do derivatives like you.”

Everything about this house says: I was the longest serving president in Penn history.

taketh me hence in an ambulance, a warmeth forehead’s kiss <3

Shall I let the image of me approaching imminent death hang above my head like the Sword of Damocles? My mortality alone is principle enough.

Cishet men/women dating in a nebulous queer way shall immediately be VPs of the diversity and inclusion committee.

When I met him during move-in my heart skipped a beat. So did my mom's. 

I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.

Indeed, I have even attempted walking closely behind freshmen with hopes of corralling the trailings of their unregulated pheromones into my shell of a body. 

A failed situationship did not derail my life for four months!

If I lived in Rodin, all my dreams would come true.

MANIFESTATION IS REAL IF YOU SKIP THIS ARTICLE YOU WILL HAVE BAD KARMA FOREVER!!!! AND A PIANO WILL DROP ON YOUR HEAD AT 11:11PM!!!!!!

I know I’m terribly naive, but doesn’t cleaning need water?

 I must conquer both my quirky, boyish, relatable self, and my petite, teeny-tiny, hourglass figure.

In fact, they are proud to accept fat people! Sorority bids are entirely based on controllable traits, such as wealth, clothes, and acne.