The Statesman Condemns Penn Democrats for Accepting Student Government Handouts
Describing members as “freeloaders” and “welfare queens,” Statesman Editor-in-Chief Madeleine Jacobs (W ‘21) criticized the group’s status as a SAC-funded group.
4 Date Night Date Options That Are All Just You Making Out With Your Gay Friend
Alex is also the type to spend a lot of time going to the bar and the bathroom, giving you ample time to lock lips with that gay friend of yours. So fun!
A Conversation With the Rando Your Mutual Friend Just Dropped on You
"So what do you study?" "Oh, I'm undecided." Does he just fucking hate me?
Life Hack! Go Trick or Treating Now!
Get the jump on Halloween by going trick or treating now. That’s right, those pre-teen fucks will never see it coming.
Quiz: Do YOU Know the Answers to the Geology Homework?
You know what is so crazy is that I just finished the homework by myself and I was wondering if maybe, if you wanted, you could tell me what the answers are and then I could tell you what answers I got!
CORRECTION: Professor Ewens Actually Very Young, Nimble
Under the Button would like to appeal to the public in repentance for these mistakes. We hope that Professor Ewens himself can agree that people make mistakes, but they should always be given the opportunity to redeem themselves.
ASPCP Promo Video (Please Donate Today)
An advertisement for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pledges ... please donate today.
Students Required to Purchase Access Code for Classroom Door: Lecture Seat Optional
An $80 ticket would allow access into the classroom, while a lecture seat could be purchased separately for another $120. The all-inclusive VIP package, including door access, a lecture seat, office hours and the ability to ask questions, could be purchased for $180. For another $20, you might even get a little bit of “extra credit.”
BREAKING: Amy Gutmann Endorses Mike Bloomberg, Probably
In alignment with this endorsement, Bloomberg will be donating a new building to Penn's campus, the Bloomberg Center for Stop and Frisk Cultural Studies.