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22-Year-Old Becca Proudly Adding McKinsey’s 'Concentration Camp Team' to LinkedIn

(12/04/19 11:31pm)

With a single click and a sly smirk, 22-year-old, recent college graduate, Becca Lindenberg, finally got around to updating her LinkedIn profile. Now, everyone would know Becca is a full-time analyst working on McKinsey’s Concentration Camp Efficiency team, helping ICE detain migrant families in the cruelest ways possible.

'My Time at Penn Was Transformative,' Says Alumnus Who Acquired a Cocaine Problem While Here

(11/16/19 4:58pm)

Homecoming weekend brought back to this fine university alumni from all walks and corners of life. From Wall Street to the Upper East Side and to the black Escalade which shuttled them to and fro, Ivy-League graduates from a time before the present returned to their alma mater to get fucked up and reflect upon their life-altering times here. 

Arts Group Performance Looks Very Fun for Them

(10/23/19 2:51pm)

When I was asked to attend a Penn performing arts show to write a review for Under the Button, I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. Just 15 minutes into the show, one thing was clear to me and everyone in the audience, these guys were having fun. With all of the dancing, and singing, and costumes, this show was about to be a blast for them.

After BioPond Development, Penn Reaffirms Commitment to Green Space with Marijuana Dispensary

(10/17/19 2:04pm)

In a bold move, the Penn administration has opted to pave over the BioPond, because "nature is gross." After widespread outcry from the student body, the administration has decided to placate protesters by building a marijuana dispensary next to the nice parking lot where the BioPond once stood.