Perry World House to Get Even Bigger TV
In a much-anticipated announcement, Amy Gutmann told students this Friday that the school is planning to put an even bigger television in Perry World House.
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In a much-anticipated announcement, Amy Gutmann told students this Friday that the school is planning to put an even bigger television in Perry World House.
Early Sunday morning, Penn Pan-Hellenic assuaged community concern, clarifying that the rush system, wherein Susan Kornblatt of Kappa Gamma gets to rank freshman girls by her own perceived notion of their value, is actually feminist.
With just two weeks left before the end of the term, Juniors across Penn are getting ready to pack up their things and head to the great and wild ‘abroad.’ To commemorate the occasion, students will host their standard goodbye get togethers to say ‘cheerio’ to their friends and lovers.
With a single click and a sly smirk, 22-year-old, recent college graduate, Becca Lindenberg, finally got around to updating her LinkedIn profile. Now, everyone would know Becca is a full-time analyst working on McKinsey’s Concentration Camp Efficiency team, helping ICE detain migrant families in the cruelest ways possible.
Hey funky ladies. You thought classes could only double count? Nah-uh, sweet face. That’s what they want you to think. Here’s the one class that quattuordecuple counts for all 14 of those foundational requirements and sector requirements.
Homecoming weekend brought back to this fine university alumni from all walks and corners of life. From Wall Street to the Upper East Side and to the black Escalade which shuttled them to and fro, Ivy-League graduates from a time before the present returned to their alma mater to get fucked up and reflect upon their life-altering times here.
Friday afternoon, two Democratic candidates, neither of whom are Elizabeth Warren, are set to speak on campus — as if I care.
You could say that I’m a feminist. I go to the Vagina Monologues. I only watch lesbian porn. I only flinch a little when girls ask me to go down on them. And when my girl and I are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, I’m not afraid to gasp “Mommy!” when she’s treating me right.
SHS doctor Karen Gupta is going off AGAIN about how its syphilis and you really need to consistently take your antibiotics if you want to treat the open sore on your scrotum.
It's a classic Boomer move to think gen Xers don’t already understand the realities of our world. Like ok Boomer, as if your daughter doesn’t already know you cherish your relationship with her not only as a daughter but also as a friend.
It is truly a rags to riches story. Imagine: One day Eric is posing with Lily Aldridge at a Bulgari party in Venice but is not a billionaire. The next moment, he is posing with Lily Aldridge at a Bulgari party in Venice and is a billionaire. It almost makes me tear up when I think about it.
After three shots of fireball in her sorority sister’s apartment, Rebecca is reporting she’s actually pretty gone right now.
When I was asked to attend a Penn performing arts show to write a review for Under the Button, I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into. Just 15 minutes into the show, one thing was clear to me and everyone in the audience, these guys were having fun. With all of the dancing, and singing, and costumes, this show was about to be a blast for them.
Hey….!
While en route to The Fresh Grocer at 2:00 A.M. this Tuesday morning, I decided (or was it fate?) to walk by Smokey Joe’s because I seek out contrast so that I may exist in my truest form as a contrarian.
In a bold move, the Penn administration has opted to pave over the BioPond, because "nature is gross." After widespread outcry from the student body, the administration has decided to placate protesters by building a marijuana dispensary next to the nice parking lot where the BioPond once stood.
Percy von Guinness (W '23), related to both the founder of the beer and the book, is a gift to the Philadelphia area. “I am looking to raise the visibility of Philadelphia as a city,” said Guinness to his international vlog channel, blowing a puff of a sexy Parliament cigarette.
Late Wednesday afternoon in a private conference room in the Inn at Penn, Amy Gutmann and the trustees of the University of Pennsylvania voted to divest Penn’s entire $14.7 billion endowment from fossil fuels and fossil fuel-related industries.
In an act of deep naivety, Professor McElhanney of the Middle Eastern Studies department has assigned his class a full book to read each week of the semester. Despite some books totaling well over 300 pages, McElhanney is under the false notion that his class can, and will, be reading them.
Early Thursday morning after listening to The Daily’s coverage of Trump’s EPA, 20-year-old Deborah Glass called her congressman, and boy, did she feel like a beast.