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Intersectionality Win! CAS Boy Dates Wharton Boy

(11/11/22 5:41pm)

A step above acquiring gay rights is gaining the ability to date outside of your assigned school. There’s just so little to talk about, ya know? If I, a political sciences major, start spewing things such as “Mearsheimer’s defensive vs offensive realism”, and he –a Wharton indictee– does not understand, am I simply to walk out of the beautiful date we are having at Houston hall? 

Such Activity! My Roommate Does a Mad Fit Dance Workout While I Lounge Wistfully on the Couch

(11/15/22 3:47pm)

I love to participate in healthy habits. Whether it’s sleeping for a full 24 hours to attain beautifully clear skin and a happy heart, or going on a diet of only truly delicious food, I’m all for keeping my body at its all-time physical (and emotional if I have time because that’s not as important) peak. That’s why I am studying really hard this semester. No, I’m not wasting my time on the traditional classes offered at Penn. That would be absurd. Instead, I’m focusing on the art of dance workouts, specifically those of my roommate BeBanna Hochwoman (C ‘25). 

OP-ED: Penn Period Project Needs to Up Their Inclusivity (The Free Tampons Were Too Petite for My Monstrous Heavy Flow)

(11/08/22 3:49pm)

The other day when I found myself fighting battles in the 1920 commons bathroom, Penn Period Project’s container of free tampons was a welcome beacon of hope on that slick, off-white countertop of a horizon.  But my heart sank when I read that fateful word on the tampon’s packaging: regular.  Erm… as if there’s a “regular” type of period to have.  Do I only deserve proper menstrual care if the heaviness of my womanly flow fits society’s rigid concept of normality (which, I assure you, it does not)?  But I digress.  I had just regained my composure when I glimpsed the sign reading, “Got your period? We’ve got you!” as if to mock me and my untamable, tsunamic crimson tide.  Needless to say, I left in tears.

Hello, I Am Applying to Your DEI Committee as a White Person Who Calls My Asian Girlfriend Mi Amor

(11/08/22 3:47pm)

I like to incorporate culture in my life however possible. I have Black friends, I regularly eat at Bento, my favorite sauce is Sriracha, I took Spanish in high school, I traveled to Israel this past summer, and most importantly, my girlfriend Xiao Ming is Chinese. Xiao Ming has taught me a lot about Chinese culture. We enjoy fortune cookies, orange chicken, General Tso’s chicken, China Daily, and Kung Fu Panda together. I now know how to say, “Hi, my name is Michael” in Chinese. By the way the way you say this is, “你好,我叫笨蛋” Whenever I say this at parties, I get an array of laughs, I’m such a crowd pleaser. I even got it tattooed on my arm! Xiao Ming is so great, not only because she is Chinese, but also because we get to experience culture together. She calls me gringo and I call her Mi Amor. We decorated our 2-bedroom with a mandala and sphinx statues, and our cat’s name is Pepe. 

Students Watching Math 104 YouTube Videos Extremely Educated About Fetterman’s Campaign

(11/03/22 6:32pm)

The freshman experience at Penn is not about the Quad. It's not about homecoming, parties, or even making friends. It’s about watching countless hours of Robert Ghrist explaining Math 104. It’s about that naughty, mischievous smirk he gives when introducing a trick to make a problem easier. It’s about wondering how on Earth the graphics are so good in each video. Where is he getting this funding? Does he make these on iMovie? Is he eligible for an Emmy?

I’m Just Trying to Figure Out What Sport You Play, Not Look at Your Boobs

(11/07/22 4:23pm)

We have all been there. You see an athlete approaching, and you try and use every context clue to figure out what sport she plays. Tall or short? Ponytailed or French braided? On foot or scooter? There is a myriad of sports she could play, as she gets closer you squint at her shirt. It comes into focus. Penn Athletics… basketball! 

Stupid Girl at Berghain Doesn’t Understand Going to Penn Kind of a Big Deal Where I’m From

(11/07/22 4:23pm)

I’m there. Wow. We made it in. Having such a great time at Berghain. There is dancing, there are drinks, people seem to be enjoying themselves. These characteristics make me feel safe and comfortable to enjoy myself, and I am feeling inspired to rizz. My friends go to the bar for round two, and I am momentarily stranded. That’s okay, I can pivot. I ask two girls where they are from, they say Montreal. Never heard of it, but it sounds interesting. Foreign, to say the least.

Big Spreadsheet Open on Laptop Next to Me — Now I Know All the Financial Secrets of America’s Largest Corporations!

(11/07/22 4:23pm)

I recently traveled to the Big Apple (New York City) to meet my father for the first time. The whole experience was rather stressful. Between 4:30pm and 5:19pm, I had to sprint from my CIS 1100 Recitation in Towne 315 to my one-bedroom double in Harrision College House, pack all of my belongings, travel to 30th Street Station, and board the Amtrak Acela. I’m no math major (and if you’re reading this… you probably aren’t either), but that seems to me to be a very limited time.