The famously loving and prudent Greek life community has not let the coronavirus pandemic stop them from creating safe spaces for their members to thrive. 

Have you heard their jokes? How have these guys achieved international stardom? 

Last Friday night as you stumbled back from your COVID-safe hangout with all forty of your closest besties - it happened. A stranger approached you for your wallet and you – being the little bitch you are – gave it to them.

Despite the year’s setbacks, the Football club (?) has moved forward with the time-honored, yearly tradition of Super Bowl Sunday.

Despite evidence of Greek life negligence abounding on campus and off, there simply "wasn’t enough evidence" to publish an article to hold the perpetrators accountable.  

Take our quiz!

“We noticed that for some reason this is a skill that not everybody has,” explained sorority member, Emma Jones. 

So frats made a commitment: they were going to host their date nights, rush events, and BYOs at bars and restaurants in the community -- all to stimulate the economy, of course. | Megan Striff-Cave & Grace Ginsburg 

Hint: It's all of them!

After waking up at 12, two hours past the start time of her 10 am class, Kya prepared to do her readings. In preparation, she warmed up her eyes by reading the captions on her friends' Instagram posts.

As of late Tuesday morning, the high rise field testing tent’s structure was reported to be “under more stress than I am,” said a second-semester senior who still needs to get into three more sector classes.

Swallowing goldfish, binge drinking, ole-fashioned hazing? Those punishments are sooooo last year. This year’s pledging will be full of being brutally forced to stay inside and suffer in isolation! Sisterhood. 

I have caught Covid 7 different times, and have not once tested negative since March 13th. I have blood dripping from my eyeballs in quarts everyday.  

"Under the guise of the 'Quiet Period,' a two-week moratorium on campus life and activities, the administration has been silencing student’s menstruation." | Mikayla Golub

Within minutes of setting foot on campus, students reported feeling sadness, anger, loss of interest and/or pleasure in most normal activities, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, and slowed thinking.

Whenever my TA Albert plays the devilu2019s advocate in our ethics break out rooms, my mouth becomes wetter than that massive puddle that forms outside of Commons | Becky Weisberg

“Death is a necessary and natural part of life. I am excited and hopeful that many freshmen will either die or be permanently disabled as a result of the virus.”

"Yikes! It appears that Nina Gomez (W ‘23), a native of the Upper East Side who uses “summer” as a verb, has unfortunately confused the FAFSA with FIFA." | Megan Striff-Cave

While many feel as though they only settled for Biden, not having to act embarrassed by a direct connection to the President feels like a win. At this point it almost feels like being actually proud of a Penn alumni might just be too greedy.