Dining Halls Go Self-Serve, Thousands Flock to Fill Pockets With Grapes
After months of being an observer in the culinary arts, I am now chef!
After months of being an observer in the culinary arts, I am now chef!
After months of being an observer in the culinary arts, I am now chef!
Pizza slices will be limited to one per person and will be a generous two inches in width.
The world is crumbling before my micrometer-wide eyes!
Pottruck, a shining beacon of scholarship and mental advancement, has been home base for Penn’s brightest since 2003. And that’s what makes this new finding so baffling.
Upon reflection, I am proposing that NONE of us talk about our lawyers, that way nobody feels left out.
Welcome to the future and Vive la France!
I frolic around my lab bench, flirting with other boys and knocking over glassware.
If students can shut up and enjoy their rice, then Penn Dining might consider adding lettuce again.
You're not you when your bladder's about to burst! Go buy a diaper :)
Amidst the week’s geopolitical turmoil, a recent Penn Dems communiqué urged members to center policy discussions around what voters really want: triple masking kindergarteners in perpetuity.
"I skipped my morning lecture because I got distracted by my reflection, and then I rolled around on the floor of McClelland for half an hour."
Usually I am told that the reason for this emotional downpour is my kind face. I can’t change this about myself, believe me I’ve tried. So, I’ve devised a solution.
"Ballpark like … 800k. Y’know, not struggling, but not necessarily raking in the dough.”
The truth of the matter is that all of Russia’s best seasons are behind it. Putin can try his best to push the envelope by “violating international law” and “ignoring the national sovereignty of neighboring countries,” but for true fans, all the dynamism of the former Communist bloc is gone.
“I thought we would just hook up and then see each other on Tinder for the next few years, maybe run into each other at Commons. I’m not really sure what to say.”
We salute Penn’s fraternities for their valiant efforts to raise money for such a pressing issue and hope that many follow in their elephant walk footsteps.
Why waste all of the time and money required for things like classes and professors?
Celebrate you. Celebrate poo.
“These students think I can’t understand them,” said Fluffy. “But I can understand everything. All the things they tell me, they hurt me. I never knew the world was such a horrible and cruel place. And I don’t understand why I have to bear the psychological burden of the cruel human world. Now I can never sleep at night.”