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We've all been there. Your middle school class loads into a yellow bus and drives for hours through the exurbs. Then suddenly, a warehouse decked out in faux masonry with two towers emerges from the middle of the industrial park. It's Medieval Times, of course!
April means that a lucky batch of 2,400 seventeen-year-olds and a few degenerate twenty-odd-year-olds will commit to attending Penn this fall as part of the class of 2027. In President Liz Magill's words, this is set to be one of Penn's most diverse classes, with students from 49 states and 5 countries.
I sat at my laptop on a rainy spring night
In an attempt to make conversation with my mom on our weekly phone call, I brought up the recent circumcision protest on campus. That's right. These guys weren't shouting religious epithets like the usual rotation of protester on College Green. These dudes were marching in cowboy hats and white jeans with a "blood stain" on their groins.
It's February, which means sorority rush season has come to a close. With that comes a year of angst and uncertainty for freshman girls who are following their mom's advice and "feeling school out before making a commitment." There are a myriad of questions that come with the wait until the next recruitment cycle, namely, what will it be like rushing as a sophomore? UTB talks with various members of greek life to get their take.
We’ve all been there. Your mom/roommate/professor approaches you and drops some seriously awful news. Her cat has feline leukemia. His lake house and puzzle collection were swept away in a mudslide. Your grandma has a UTI because she holds in her pee.
Sources report that HIST 1240, Scars: Impacts of the Cold War, just got way more intolerable. The conversations in this ten person seminar are dominated by pushy, reactionist college sophomore Aaron Smith. Things are taking a turn. Smith, known for butting into conversations with "just to play devils advocate" followed by something wildly insensitive, just came up with a new slogan. "I don't wanna yuck someone's yum."
After waiting two hours for an eyedropper-sized bottle of perfume and the Glossier "experience," college sophomore Elaine Miller was devastated Tuesday afternoon. She missed her STAT-1010 midterm.
Students were shocked last Saturday morning when they realized that the hand sanitizer dispensed in the Commons dinning hall had a slippery, sticky consistency.
Yikes. Your mom just sent you a text:
It started with an innocent conversation. We were chatting about old-timey paintings. You know, how people just looked like they were from the 1600s back then.
After subsisting off Grommen's caprese sandwiches and six hours of sleep for the past eight weeks, my body is reduced to primordial soup. I am just a sack full of organic compounds sloshing around. Not even a mitochondria in sight.
We have all been there. You see an athlete approaching, and you try and use every context clue to figure out what sport she plays. Tall or short? Ponytailed or French braided? On foot or scooter? There is a myriad of sports she could play, as she gets closer you squint at her shirt. It comes into focus. Penn Athletics… basketball!
College Sophomore Maddison Schmitt was studying 1600 in the Weigle Information Commons in VP when she heard something familiar.
What was that taste? Tangy? Metallic? The first sip of my black tea tasted a little... mauvais. I didn’t do anything different. I used the same electric kettle, the same black tea packets I take from Commons by the handful. In fact, I haven’t cleaned my kettle since September.
Last Thursday, Annenberg School of Communications junior Madeline Roberts took off her mint Fjallraven and sat down with UTB to discuss her viral TikTok. The TikTok, which features Roberts signing to a snippet of Taylor Swift’s Need to Calm Down, garnered 10K likes.
Nestled in the nice part of Princeton suburbs, Amy G’s 1.7 million dollar 5 bed 4 bath is the fall getaway you want to get lost in. Everything about this house says I was the longest serving president in Penn history. Doesn’t seeing the ice on her pool cover just make you want to head inside with a cup of hot apple cider and forget about your pending ECON midterm grade?
“He seemed like your run of the mill PPE major — but without the character flaws,” said CAS junior Maya Brown as she stared down at her Stommons cold brew.