Steady, Incompressible, Non-Viscous: Your Ideal Boyfriend, or Bernoulli’s Equation for Fluid Dynamics?
In the expansive world of fluid dynamics, fluid flow can occasionally be idealized by Bernoulli's Equation, which states p + 0.5(ρV^2) + ρgh = c.
Most Recent
Productivity Win! Student Finishes One Third of Assignment and Takes Sexy Mirror Pic
Sure, homework is ‘important,’ and there are ‘deadlines,’ but sexy mirror pics are timeless. I won’t have this bod forever!
New Prez Magill to Go By ‘L-Dawg’ to Get Down With the Kids
No cap, this bout to get lit.
This Dumbass Misspelled Pennslynavia on Their Resume
“Now that they see that my Crayon-eating brain can’t even spell the state correctly, I’ll never be able to sell my soul to dream companies like McKinsey, Bain, and Boston Conslutting Group.”
Student Activists Pledge to Fight For Low Income Americans They Are Scared to Interact With
“There are homeless Americans sleeping under shops all around the city. When I call the police to clear them, I make sure to remind our officers to treat them with respect and decency.”
OP-ED: Hear Me Out, Some Classes Need to Be Virtual
Some say that being in-person is vital for actually learning, but not enough studies have been done on the effect of in-person learning on my mental health.
OP-ED: They Should Replace the Quad With 1,500 Individual Tiny Homes
This is the new Freshman experience.
Breaking the Penn Face: Yeah I Wanna Punch You
Because if I'm not happy, nobody should be.
Financial Aid Office Gives Crying, Broke Student Free Pen Before Telling Them to Go Fuck Themselves
While the student had initially entered the office seeking an increase in her financial aid package, she left in tears as the new owner of a very stylish pen and absolutely no money at all.
Feminist! Huntsman To Be Renamed Huntswoman
It is rumored that similar initiatives will take place campus-wide, renaming Speakman hall and Perelman quadrangle to Speakwoman and Perelwoman, respectively.
We’re Done: UTB is Now a Site for Basic Gardening Tips
Yeah, so if you’re looking to plant some begonias or something, make sure to use nutrient rich soil, you ignoramuses. Plants, in fact, need nutrients to grow up big and strong. Christ, I know you suckers are just eating this right up.
BREAKING: Penn to Undergo Transfer of Power (From Blonde to Brunette)
That’s right — everyone’s favorite (natural) blonde, Amy Gutmann, is passing the baton to a woman with hair the color of roasted chestnuts, of smooth milk chocolate, of amorphous, stinky mud.
How To Recover After The NYT Mini Jingle Plays During Class And Your Professor Says “What Was That”
The congratulatory ditty has already escaped from your laptop speaker.
Life is Too Short to Be Sad: Here’s How to Be Downright Miserable
Ian Ong
Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021Sat, Dec 4, 2021
We are but mere mortals in the grand scheme of things, so why waste your time on this earth feeling sad? Here’s how to feel downright miserable instead.
Hidden Heroes: The Eight Against Hate
Justine Orgel
Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021Sat, Dec 4, 2021
Athletes don't get enough thanks. Let's change that. It's time to listen to minority voices and uplift our stoic heroes.
Swinging Both Ways! Weather Found To Be Both 1000 and -10 Degrees Simultaneously
Sweating and shivering, sweating and shivering.
OP-ED: Your Show Was Actually, Like, Good WTF
UTB Staff
Wednesday, Dec. 1, 2021Wed, Dec 1, 2021
Guys, I’m about to, like, say something a little bit controversial. Don’t cancel me pleaseeeee :(
ESCANDALO: Penn to Replace Penn In-Touch With a Fax Machine
UTB Staff
Monday, Nov. 29, 2021Mon, Nov 29, 2021
Your subjects will be out to you in five to eight business weeks.
OP-ED: Thanksgiving Is for Family, Which Is Why It’s the One Day They’re Allowed Out of the Basement
During the year, I feed Mom, Dad, Susie, Aunt Margaret, cousins Bobby, Johnny and Lily, and Grandpa Marty through IV bags, but on Thanksgiving, I allow them to eat with their mouths!
