Have you ever been trying to take an innocent trip to the bathroom when, in the next stall over, you hear the tell-tale snap, crackle, pop of a Juul pod that’s less than 50% full?

Lenny Kravetz (C ‘22) entered college without a sense of direction.

It’s obvious that we’re blessed to go to Penn. We have great sports teams, a robust counseling program, and cold weather. 

Researchers at Penn are investigating a specific breed of person who may require no such protection from the elements: the tank-top-flaunting “Cali Bro.”

Life has been busy. Homework is endless. You were supposed to send those emails a while ago.

Woah there bucko! Git that duelin’ look out yer eyes.

Local hero Dana Klein (C ’20) had both the environment and her roommate’s wellbeing in mind last Thursday when she left her dirty pan on the stove after cooking a somehow-burnt batch of scrambled eggs.

For years, Gene Klein (W ’21) has been complaining about his lack of sleep.

New research conducted by Penn psychologists has concluded that if one more person talks to me today, I will absolutely fucking lose my shit.

Oh, you're from South Jersey? Well, no one cares.

The Penn Wellness Initiative announced their plan to improve mental health on campus by lightly kissing each student on their foreheads and say “You have such a cute smile” before lifting their lips from their skin.

Last Thursday morning started out normally for Kevin Brown (C ‘20).

Friends of Rachel Moore (C '19) were shocked yesterday when her phone buzzed with a new message from Mike Tinder.

After last semester's failed attempt to turn the David Rittenhouse Laboratory into a romantic Valentine's Day date spot, the Penn administration has decided to repurpose the home of the Math, Physics, and Virginity departments for the Halloween season.

Having heard rave reviews from his friends, College freshman Davis Grant decided it was time to expand his horizons and try a pumpkin spice latte.

Wow! Talk about a superstar athlete.

In front of a crowd of status-conscious, affluent witnesses, the Hydro Flask officially replaced the S’Well bottle as a completely necessary symbol of social worth.

Walking from imposing building to imposing building used to at least offer a few moments of sunshine as a salve for existential pain. Now you shiver as you trudge from one locus of punishment to another.

As this frigid October continues to prove that global warming is a left-wing hoax, students have been donning their winter coats especially early this year.

Calling your professor "mom": it happens to every college student at some point or another, and it never fails to humiliate all involved.