Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

Search Results

Below are your search results. You can also try a Basic Search.

The Results Are In! Obama Won

(11/04/20 4:45am)

In case you were not aware, last night was the season finale of the United States: the 2020 General Election. Despite the fact the only candidates on the presidential ballot were Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and Jo Jorgeson, Barack Hussein Obama has won the popular vote and electoral college by a landslide. Barack Hussein Obama has also been elected to almost every congressional seat, in a series of unprecedented victories. (Obama did not win in Alabama, after it was revealed to voters that Barack and Michelle are not, in fact, cousins.)

6 Goya Bean Alternatives: A Photo Essay

(07/20/20 1:55pm)

Last week, Goya hopped on the Trump train. It's always disappointing when your very fav Bean Mogul gives campaign donations to your least fav sallow orange fruit by the foot. It's like, you still kinda need beans and such, but you also kinda need to live in a country with moral standards and such! I bean there, girl. Lucky for you, I've compiled this list of 6 Goya alternatives to balance out your dual needs for beans and freedom. Let's get to it!

The United Yets of America: Here's How Kanye Can Win in 2020

(07/14/20 2:02pm)

With just four months to go until the general election in November, musical genius Kanye West has announced his campaign for president of the United States. According to an FEC spokesperson, Kanye has filed none of the paperwork required to declare candidacy or gain ballot access. So, can Kanye really make it to the Oval Office in 2020? Let's look at the math. 

Makes Sense! Celebrate Veterans with PTSD by Lighting Off Explosives

(07/06/20 1:15pm)

Americans spend more than 1 billion dollars every year on Fourth of July fireworks. Considering that the Department of Veterans Affairs Spends 180 billion on veterans every year, the United States spends about twice as much on explosives on the Fourth of July than they do on veterans' affairs. Patriotism at its finest!

Penn Vows to Increase Diversity of Diseases Available to Underclassmen

(06/29/20 7:10pm)

A recent Under the Button poll has found that students are increasingly concerned about the lack of diversity at Penn. Here at Under the Button, we stand with you. We are proud to announce that, as a direct result of our tremendous influence over our school's administrative process, Penn has vowed to increase the diversity of diseases available to all incoming freshmen and sophomores for the fall of 2020.

Thank God! Buzzed Hair to Grow Out Again Before Country Reopens

(06/16/20 4:09am)

Three months ago, college sophomore Ella Norstalick did something she's always wanted to do: she buzzed her hair. For many Americans, the pace at which the United States is reopening in the wake of COVID-19 is simply too slow. For those who gave themselves the "COVID cut," however, any additional time to recover would be a godsend. 

Protesters in University City Implicated in Breaking Harrison Elevator

(06/08/20 4:00am)

Black Lives Matter protests continue around the globe this week in the wake of a series of violent crimes against black people in the United States, including the murder of Ahmaud Arbery by two white male civilians in Georgia and the murder of George Floyd by Minneapolis police officers. Many major news sources in the United States continue to paint such protests as violent. 

Basically Shakespeare: Jeremy Finishes 700-Page "Killer Bean" Fan Fiction

(05/25/20 11:46am)

For those of you who are uncultured, the "Killer Bean" saga is a cinematic masterpiece renowned the world over. It began in 1996 when Jeff Lew, a visual effects artist for X-Men, The Matrix Reloaded,  and TRON: Legacy, decided to breathe life into the world. That is, he decided to single-handedly write, direct, animate, and produce The Killer Bean.  

Uh Oh! TA Now Twitch Streaming Recitations, Wants to Know "What's up, Gamers"

(04/23/20 5:10pm)

After years of oppression, proud gamer and CIS 120 TA Randal Owens has decided to break free of his chains. While many see quarantine as a robbery of opportunity and an exacerbator of disparities, Owens sees the move to online classes as a great equalizer. Universal online school has provided Owens with an opportunity which he has been unjustly denied him for far too long: the opportunity to Twitch stream recitations. 

So Sad! This "Quarantine" Thing Is Mildly Inconvenient For Travis :(

(04/14/20 6:52pm)

This past week, COVID-19 took its 100,000th victim. Those victims do not yet include College senior Travis McElroy or any of his friends or relatives. McElroy nonetheless tweeted Sunday morning from the comfort of his home, "I'm literally dying." Travis is as close to struggling as he has ever been, and he would really like your attention right now.

Has COVID Gone Too Far? Trevor Forced to Wear His "Left at Home" Shirts

(04/16/20 5:31pm)

The global death toll for COVID-19 sored over 130 thousand this week. Many local sources, however, claim that this number is too low. Trevor Spearman, an undeclared sophomore, hasn't done laundry since school went virtual, as he refuses to walk to the basement of his four-story home in the Philly suburbs. He reports that "while COVID has physically killed over 110,000 thousand, it is responsible for the spiritual death of thousands more." This week, Spearman was forced to wear his "left-at-home" clothing.