Before I knew it, it was 3am on the last day of break, and I was waiting with bated breath to see if Jerry would get approved for skin removal surgery. 

It is a shape that inspires confidence, strength, and power. I am certain that the external design of the building reflects accurately the people within.

The Office of Student Health Services has announced a flu outbreak on campus, warranting heightened health and wellness precautions by all students.

College senior Andrew Caplan is ready to say hello to 2019 and never look back.

You're as slimy as snake, I see your name and shriek, Mr. CITsender

Aw, it's adorable that we have a third person sharing our living space. I love waking up and not being able to use the bathroom because you guys are having shower sex.

For both, no one knows how it got this bad and there isn’t really much that can be done to fix it now.

Although the donation was well-intentioned, a great number of Penn students feel cheated by the once loyal graduate. Chief among these students are freshman who “just wanted Insomnia.”

According to this statement, the roughly 40,000 evaluations were assigned to Steven Fitzgerald, a former student intern at Penn’s Center for Teaching and Learning. 

The two had never met, but one of Bergen’s friends insisted that Brenner was a “pretty ok guy.” Feeling up for an adventure, Bergen accepted the invitation, despite not knowing Brenner and having three finals in the coming two days. 

“It’s okay, though, don’t worry about me,” I said to address their grimaces. “My husband is going to be rich. Like really rich. Probably richer than everyone in that lecture hall, actually.” 

Wintman feels that people tend to put her in a box: they assume she will not take an intense workload due to her calm personality. However, when she was registering for classes this semester, she decided to break that mold.

According to her fellow classmates, Walkerton counts down to the end of each rehearsal, leaving at that exact time in order to make the different, and often overlapping, time requirements of her different arts groups.

Sarah Rosen, a student admitted from Farmingdale High School, shared with UTB: “Yes, I’m incredibly excited to join the Quaker family! There’s not one other community I’d rather be a part of!

“I just want to pause the music for just like two seconds and break it all down. Like, ‘hey friends, what’s happening here.’”

If you're going to violently curse your professor's dead relatives and weep into your hands, you're gonna have to take it down juuuuust a few decibels.

“For too long we've allowed Santa to be the most vocal spokesperson for fossil fuels,” yelled College junior Caroline Erickson at a sit-in protest.

Somehow, it was almost like two songs were being played at once. And granted, it didn’t sound great. The keys of the two songs didn’t quite mesh well, but goddamnit Liza was just so darned amazed that there were two songs mixed together that she couldn’t care less.

I consider myself an herbalist. No, not in the I-smoke-pot-everyday way, but more in my tendency to consume a small cup of single-origin green tea every day.  

New posters have cropped up since the initial one, but lately the messages have switched from being oddly threatening to just flat out aggressive.