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Student Shocked to Find Annoying Kid Making Loud Comments in Lecture Recording Is Himself

Earlier that day, he sat down to speed watch his lecture for his exam only to find it loudly interrupted periodically by a side conversation of two boys in the back.

My God, How Did This Happen?! Says Senior After Seven Hours in CVS

“I came in here for a roll of toilet paper, but then I saw that face masks were on sale, and after that it’s a blur.” 

“I Don’t Talk About My Pulitzer a Lot,” Says Professor 5 Minutes into First Class

Five minutes into the first class, he could already tell what was on students' minds — that they were in a class with a professor who won a Pulitzer back in ‘82.

See Ya, Sean! Jenny Is Practicing Zero-Waste, and You Didn’t Make the Cut

Along with using lots of Tupperware, Jenny is extending this mindset to other aspects of her life.

Report: Gutmann and Biden Will Make Small Talk for an Hour on Stage, and You'll Love It

The conversation should last for around 15 or 20 minutes, depending how much mileage the two can squeeze out of their initial weather conversation.

Anime Club Member Deciding Which Body Pillow to Take to Date Night

"Hinata is so beautiful and we have great chemistry, but Sawako is such a good friend and so fun to dance with.”

5 Mixed Drinks That Scream, "I Won't Be Able to Get Hard Tonight"

You know one thing for sure: no matter what happens, you will not be getting hard tonight.

Health Goddess! Shhh! She Doesn't Inhale

"Since I don’t inhale, the more times I take a smoke break or short walk around the block, the more fit I’m getting."

Quiz: Did a Frat Star Punch a Hole in Your Wall, or Was It a Tiny Mr. Kool Aid Man?

Here's the scenario: after throwing an absolutely bangin' mixer last night, you come downstairs to assess the carnage.

Brave: Senior Drinks Multiple Times a Week Despite Deteriorating Physical Health

While most research suggests that consuming alcohol in any amount is detrimental to a person’s health, Adkins feels it’s her duty to make the most of college, be it in the form of tequila on Tuesdays, Sink or Swim on Wednesdays, or drinking her weight on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. 

Senior More Committed to Earning Spot on Feb Club Smokes Plaque Than on Dean's List the past 4 Years

He is experiencing an unparalleled amount of drive that he had not yet embodied during his time at Penn: he must make it on to the Smoke’s plaque.

ROTC Student Willing to Go to War but Won't Shave in Quad Showers

"I’ll do a ten-mile run in full uniform, but do you know what’s on the walls of those showers? Neither do I, and I’m not about to risk it.”

Classes Canceled After Problematic Tweets Surface from Early 2010s

The History Department tweeted "There just aren't that many important women in history. Sorry feminists." in August of 2011. Like many of its tweets, the post did not garner significant reactions. It has since been deleted.

Upsetting: This Balding Man is Actually a CIS Freshman

Gillison entered Penn this past fall full of energy... Now, he looks more like a professor than a student.

Meet the Kid Who Flunked Out of School While Waiting for His ExtraCare Card Receipt at CVS

Kauffman intended to be in and out of the store in under 10 minutes.

Heroic Student Bankrupts Publisher, Destroys Capitalism by Downloading PDF Copy of Textbook

“I don’t know how much longer we can survive by just selling 100 dollar access codes.”

Group Project Member Disagrees with Team’s Idea, Remains Silent yet Judgmental

“My group is making tons of simple errors, but I would rather knowingly lose a few points here and there than confront them about it and make them feel bad."

Didn't Have a Valentine This Year? Haha Loser Get Fucked

The closest thing to flowers you got on Valentines day was a bag of Hot Cheetos that you bought for yourself — and Cheetos aren't even anything like flowers.

Sad! This Buffoon Lost All His Worldly Possessions in a Pottruck Locker

Like an absolute moron, Adams threw all of his worldly possessions, consisting of his backpack, PennCard, and Canada Goose jacket, into a locker, heeding no mind to its number, not knowing that he would never see any of these items ever again.

Ignoring Venmo Requests Now to be Considered a White-Collar Crime

Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf gave an impassioned speech this week calling neglected Venmo requests an “epidemic” and a “total dick move, guys.”