The workers seemed indifferent toward Theos, constantly misunderstood the name Apes, and displayed complete and total confusion as to whatever it is Phi Roses does on campus. 

“Chug, chug, chug,” another freshman recounted between tears, remembering how every drop of “The Market Mule” she put down made her think she’d be hip like the people in GRC. After being rushed to Penn Med that night, she now knows better, she says.

Life is suffering, and the only way to alleviate it is Clash of Clans or percocets.

“oh, I’m finna be in the pit”

Giving a voice to the voiceless.

I hope you found your community immediately after reading this enlightening article!

Real Italians live in New Jersey, and they say words like gabagool and moozarell and manicot.

You know what they say: warm house, warm heart.

Early reports indicate that this incident will spell the end of her professional career before it’s even begun.

The third time wasn’t the charm.

Number 12 WILL shock you. 

Kim has so far been the subject of publications such as “Measuring the Sensitivity of Japanese Consumers to Inflation by Tracking Lucas Kim’s Valorant Purchases” and “Queering Representations of the East Asian Diaspora: Conversations with Lucas Kim, a Heterosexual Man.”

Liaisons to House Representative Nancy Pelosi reportedly were briefing the President on his previous decision to drop out of the race, using visual guides and a screening of Adam Sandler’s 50 First Dates to underscore their message.

Cheery “hellos!” and “good mornings!” were present throughout campus as students settled into their 8:30 AM lectures, with all present reflecting upon the fact that out of all possible worlds, the one we currently inhabit is the most promising one there could ever be.

“I’m divesting you from the lake house, Rachel” said one Bubbe.

“He was very accustomed to craft services,” says one source, “He really was disappointed at the lack of craft services. You’d think for an Ivy League school we’d have craft services – at least for the students who really matter.”

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot. That is, a parking lot to a Wawa. Which in some cases could be considered an even better paradise. 

He now goes by Shaikh J.(Jamal) Al-Latif Jaabir

“I’m really here to bring the Penn community together over something that you all agree on,” O’side says as she spills some of her $5 vodka cran on her blue and white dress. “It’s pretty simple. First there will be a Jewish comedy night, and then there will be a Tel Aviv Night.” 

A twist, a sniff, and a flush of red.