“I’m baaaaaaack!” says your friend who just returned from Europe after a semester of doing the bare minimum and exceeding all expectations for the amount one person can post on Instagram.

 The dining hall is not the only organization on campus to have offered donations to Ukraine. PennCAPS has offered to donate its counseling services, but Ukraine has rejected the offer, citing poor quality of the program.  

I slept in the Moelis Family Grand Reading Room, the ATO roof deck, under the button, and the Quad Catacombs.

The novel Coronavirus has been eradicated, thanks to your 7 day compliance. Yay! 

The answer is shocking.

Accompanied by a “¯\_(ツ)_/¯” emoticon and the writing “oopsy-daisy” was the announcement that Penn has declared bankruptcy.

First, I began sneaking them into our texts. “Hey — can we talk tonight?” “Do you want to hang out — maybe next Friday?” “Wow, that GIF you sent of a guy slipping and falling head-first into a tub full of hot sauce was — frankly — pretty epic.”

Penn has been championing interdisciplinary creativity for decades; intertwining gastronomy and gynecology is no exception.

 I thought to myself, I really am just like the coyote. I spend so much time and effort trying to catch this fast blue bird, which is metaphorical to some higher unspecified goal. But all that amounts to is just repeatedly dropping an anvil on my head. 

That idea had literally never passed through my vapid little brain, so I’m really excited to try it out on my two presentations, six reflections, three final papers, and four exams due this coming week. 

Wait until your code isn’t looking, then scream “Yahtzee!” really loudly. Before you know it, your code will be speeding out of there in no time flat.

In a press release today, Penn’s LGBT center, home of free printing on campus and nothing else, announced that it is now acceptable to describe things you dislike as “gay.”

This app– it’s so good. And I’m hardly being paid to say that. 

See this waterfall? It can go fuck itself too. 

As he nods along, stone-faced, his eyes look down and his face is lit from below.

Sure, right now, some parts of you are still PennInTouch and sometime this summer you and PennInTouch will merge into one supreme life form. But for now, I love seeing you as you are.