I am fighting for YOUR rights to not be metaphorically —or literally I’m not judging— smacked with dicks of varying sizes in your peripheral vision. 

And this month, it’s getting heavy.

You'd All Be Too Messy

10 tips from the hottest social climbers in University City. 

It's kinda like printing more money but not bad.

And, no, I don’t think it’s because Fleabag and I are both skinny and brunette. 

So much happened last semester and it would take way too long to catch you up. Like Mark, for example, almost got a girlfriend. Twice. 

An advice column about love, life, and rock n’ roll, run by two of the sveltest broads in all of Pennsylvania.

Yeah, I obviously feel bad, but seriously Uncle Chris…timing much?

This year changed the game.

As controversy brews over our handling of Penn Fight Night 2023, my guilty conscience implores me to break my silence. I, Ted Kwee-Bintoro, Vice President for Partnerships, Charity Affairs, and General Malfeasance of the Wharton Graduate Association, spent the missing money. But it went to a good cause: I’m doing a couple fat rails tonight. 

Community Service? No thanks, I prefer community disservice. Next time you offer me a flier or ask me to buy from your bake sale, please don’t! I don’t need your handouts, I’m not a charity. You are!

Thanks to my once-daily prescription of chewable 80-mg sildenafil from the men’s telehealth provider Himsᵀᴹ, I’m unafraid of “cancel culture.” While others stay soft, I get so hard that I turn blue in the face.

Girl, are you a jawn?

I’d rather listen to my dentist perform a root canal using some rusty drill

Have your eyes been opened to the truth?

‘you’re so hot! You’re the most professional girl in the world!’ 

Not a thing in the world compares to the love of two sisters.

Every time you fell, you got up again

If liking Commons is wrong, then I don’t want to be right