Opinion


OP-ED: If Penn Isn't Going to Stock Tampons in the Public Bathroom Dispensers, They Should at Least Fill Them With Candy

Let me set the scene: I was zoned out in class when I felt a familiar twinge in my lower abdomen and a warm, sanguine rush beneath me.


'That Wasn't So Bad' and Four Other Idiotic Things People Say Seconds After Failing Their Exams

Ignore that deep gnawing in your soul and plaster a half-hearted smile on that disgusting face of yours as you utter these words to your friends.


OP-ED: Why We Should Close Walnut to Cars and Turn It Into the World's Largest Urban Iguana Sanctuary

Cars harm the environment and clog up our cities, and it’s high time we do something about that.


OP-ED: I'm Looking For A Sugar Daddy Who Will Pay Me in Dining Dollar$

Listen, I’ve spent all but $9.24 of my Dining Dollar$ for the semester at Pret A Manger — sue me!


Can’t Afford a Whole Building? Other Places to Score a Dedication, by Dollar Amount

Here are a couple ways you can still score a coveted dedication while paying off your student loans in this lifetime.


Quiz: Is That Smell Aged Gorgonzola Or Your Roommate's Sheets?

I can only smell it in our room, but I haven’t ever left the room so it could be further than that.


'I Dabble in Photography' and Other Ways to Casually Imply That You Don't Spend Your Free Time Re-Watching Friends

“I’m in a secret club.” Damn straight, and the only members are you, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, and Ross. And occasionally Janice.


Knock Knock! It's Your Cool RA — Talk To Me About Your Sex Life!

 You can tell me anything. Specifically, you can tell me about all the sex you've been doing.


OP-ED: My Cocaine Use Doesn't Define Me, But My Pants With Vertical Stripes Do

It is easy to label me for my drug use. But what really sets me apart are my fun, rebellious pants. 


OP-ED: Wearing Allbirds Doesn’t Mean I’ll Work In Tech (But I Probably Will)

I’ll say it. Penn has a problem with stereotypes. 


OP-ED: Don’t Blame Me, Blame The System. I Will Eat My Kettle Chips in VP Basement Loudly and Proudly

Sweet, sweet Mark’s Café has its ups (Dibs) and downs (sandwiches, sushi, fruit, coffee), and kettle chips fall right in the middle.


OP-ED: Yea My Roommate's Here But Lets Just Have Sex Quietly

I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great.


OP-ED: I'm Actually Playing This Computer Game to Distract My Classmates as a Form of Sabotage

There’s lots of ways students zone out during classes nowadays.


Kawaii Story

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How to Heal Yourself After You Said Hi to Someone Wearing Noise-Cancelling Headphones

The pain of saying hello loudly enough for passersby to hear, so they can all watch you get ignored, cuts so deep that it can feel like you will never recover.


OP-ED: I am Short and Pret Scares Me

Ah—to be tall. To be able to reach things on shelves without throwing out your shoulder and collapsing your mold covered Quad closet.


'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation

I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.


Sign My Petition To Ban Thunderstorms From Campus

Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute.


OP-ED: I Wouldn’t Be Failing My Midterms If Bob Mueller Would Just Get This Whole Thing Over With Already

Let's just call the whole thing off. You don’t want my grades to be as bad as the President’s, do you?


OP-ED: Penn’s Hand Foot Mouth Epidemic Can Be Brutal, but It’s One of the Best Things About It

The disease can be brutal, but having it makes you realize just how lucky you are to be a living person with hands, feet, and a mouth.


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