Let me set the scene: I was zoned out in class when I felt a familiar twinge in my lower abdomen and a warm, sanguine rush beneath me.

Ignore that deep gnawing in your soul and plaster a half-hearted smile on that disgusting face of yours as you utter these words to your friends.

Cars harm the environment and clog up our cities, and it’s high time we do something about that.

Listen, I’ve spent all but $9.24 of my Dining Dollar$ for the semester at Pret A Manger — sue me!

Here are a couple ways you can still score a coveted dedication while paying off your student loans in this lifetime.

I can only smell it in our room, but I haven’t ever left the room so it could be further than that.

“I’m in a secret club.” Damn straight, and the only members are you, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, and Ross. And occasionally Janice.

 You can tell me anything. Specifically, you can tell me about all the sex you've been doing.

It is easy to label me for my drug use. But what really sets me apart are my fun, rebellious pants. 

I’ll say it. Penn has a problem with stereotypes. 

Sweet, sweet Mark’s Café has its ups (Dibs) and downs (sandwiches, sushi, fruit, coffee), and kettle chips fall right in the middle.

I was a little worried about doing this whole blind date thing but it really turned out great.

There’s lots of ways students zone out during classes nowadays.

٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ ( ◡‿◡ *)*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:

The pain of saying hello loudly enough for passersby to hear, so they can all watch you get ignored, cuts so deep that it can feel like you will never recover.

Ah—to be tall. To be able to reach things on shelves without throwing out your shoulder and collapsing your mold covered Quad closet.

I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.

Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute.

Let's just call the whole thing off. You don’t want my grades to be as bad as the President’s, do you?

The disease can be brutal, but having it makes you realize just how lucky you are to be a living person with hands, feet, and a mouth.