Local White Guy Confused if Dressing up as Squid Game for Halloween Is Racist
This saga of white Confucianism continues.
Most Recent
Gutmann Shopping for Oktoberfest Outfit: 'Which Sexy Lederhosen Is Most Professional?'
After entering Spirit Halloween, Gutmann was quoted as asking store manager Joseph Kelly for the most appropriate traditional Lederhosen attire that would make her look “professional and honorable, but with an ass that just don’t quit."
Laundry Tips for Students Who Are Used to Having Housekeepers
How to make dirty money FAST.
Super Sad! Girl Playing Hard To Get Gets Nothing
What? She doesn't like it when you ignore her? Oh, poor girl :( BOO HOO :(
Gift With Purchase: The Kombucha in Acme is Free if You Want it to be
When you get to the checkout line, you really only have to pay for one out of every ten or eleven items you plan on leaving with.
Attention Whore? This Girl Walks on Locust
During her 90-second stroll, she waved to six acquaintances, had an elongated chat with a friend from freshman year, and was seen by half of the undergraduate population at the University of Pennsylvania.
BREAKING: Girl Feeling an Emotion at a Location on Campus
Girl entered a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from her circumstances, mood, and/ or relationships at a particular space in the general grounds and/ or buildings of the University of Pennsylvania.
OP-ED: Hey, You’re Pretty Hot - Do You Want to Share This Table in United by Blue Together?
I hope there’s a table free - need to have some sense of solitude while I simultaneously work and sip on my thirteen (13) dollar coffee-adjacent drink.
Op-Ed: How Do I Unsubscribe From the Listserv of the Philomathean Society?
In the emails, they kept talking about “admission” into the “society.” As far as I’m concerned, we all already live in a society. I had no idea that you had to go through interview processes to be in society now. A bit ludicrous.
UTB Endorses Xi Jinping for Reelection as Chairman at 2022 National Congress of Chinese Politburo
The renewal of Xi’s term as Chairman is the only realistic way to realize the Great Renaissance of the Chinese Nation.
BREAKING! Wharton to Require Mandatory Nepotism Training
Wharton’s nepotism training program will be a rigorous course, including sections such as how to pick which family friend in the top 1% wealth bracket to get your letter of recommendation from and how to casually mention in interviews that you vacation in the Hamptons every summer.
We Counted: Seven (7) Penn Students Have Green Passes
This morning, close to 10,000 undergraduates out of a population of 10,000 undergraduates received red passes.
Get Over Yourself: Student Really Using Umbrella in Scanty Drizzle
Eyewitnesses say that there was no way, given the minimal amount of moisture in the atmosphere, that he actually needed to parade his umbrella around for the world to see.
Six Outfits Warm Enough for Fall but Slutty Enough to Black Out In
Mary Grace Meredith
Tuesday, Oct. 19, 2021Tue, Oct 19, 2021
How Woke! This Classics Major ISN’T a Fascist
Juulius Caesar
Tuesday, Oct. 19, 2021Tue, Oct 19, 2021
As the only non-fascist in the classics department, Ben Sherman (C ‘23) is used to being discriminated against.
Girl With 5 Hour Daily Screen Time Simply Does Not Have Time To Read Class Material
"I don’t know how I can be expected to read all of that material when I also have to dedicate at least five hours a day to mindlessly scrolling through my phone.”
Postmodern Condition: I Keep Showing Up to Class Even Though it’s Fucking Boring
Society has truly robbed us of the simple pleasures in life.
BREAKING! Toys R Us to Rebrand to Women B Shopping.
Women Do B Shopping Sometimes.
OP-ED: Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Trying to See What You're Writing on iMessage
Yeah… just tilt your screen down a little bit more… sweet Jebediah, that’s the ticket.
