I don’t know what they’re saying or what Pepas means, but right at that moment, this shindig became legendary.

He got a FAANG acceptance!

Shall I let the image of me approaching imminent death hang above my head like the Sword of Damocles? My mortality alone is principle enough.

According to a tiny, fine-print line written in the Constitution by our Founding Fathers, it states We MUST Not Edge for Political Gain.

More advanced features from Google rumored for the near future include the ability to upload your ex’s class schedule into the app for Google’s AI to predict where they might be walking — and to direct you away.

 “Long live Xi Jinping Thought!” proclaimed Liz Magill.

Confucius will replace Beth Winkelstein, bioengineering professor and interim provost. Confucius will be the first Chinese, first Confucian, as well as the first non-living individual to serve as Penn provost. 

Go ahead, google what a lien is.

Quaint and comfy, this basement is complete with visible wall insulation, industrial chic lighting, and bare concrete floors.

 I am “your cousin Kevin” now, bitch.  

This is insane. This morning, at the Starbucks on 34th and Walnut, I had an experience that was beyond life-changing.

Please, follow us through our journey to what we like to call The Alps of Eastern Pennsylvania… or… The Poconos.

In an official statement, Magill responded to critics: “To our activists of color, I hear you. I am listening. Next time, I will try and listen a little more closely, though — I think I know what PILOTs are now.”

You could totally pull it off.

Here we all are. Together, on Penn‘s campus, in Philly, and, most importantly, wet.

Cishet men/women dating in a nebulous queer way shall immediately be VPs of the diversity and inclusion committee.

When I met him during move-in my heart skipped a beat. So did my mom's. 

Pour liquid nitrogen onto your feet. Your feet are no longer wet, since they are now solid.

I am a top student at the University of Pennsylvania, not a prostitute.

Indeed, I have even attempted walking closely behind freshmen with hopes of corralling the trailings of their unregulated pheromones into my shell of a body.