"I'm really setting myself up well for a high-paying critic career or maybe even one as a style influencer."

It seems like UTB made some crazy hiring decisions this round, and we as a general Penn readership can only hope that the organization takes this important job more seriously in the future.

You really needed something to boost your confidence. And wouldn’t you know, this balding 40-something-year-old man was just the guy to make that happen.

“I’m usually a very active participant in class,” Michaelson said. “But then Professor Chowdry asked about something that wasn’t covered on the 150-word abstract or the Wikipedia page, and that’s really beyond my purview.”

Under the Button is still working to understand the nature of this incident and gain any clarity at all into this developing story.

Proponents of cow's milk cite the ecological catastrophe that is almond milk, the estrogen content of soy milk, and the gluten in oat milk as reasons for making the switch. 

While watching Parasite, I couldn’t help but wonder how much better the film could have been if all the actors were white, speaking English, and if it took place in rural Texas. 

I will be walking to Center City this weekend, and none of you better try to fucking stop me.

I’ve been in this building since it was a women’s gym. Back then, there was excitement, activity, the smell of young sweat and hope. Now, it’s just stuffy English majors pretending to be interested in Marx or The Faerie Queene. I can’t take it anymore.

You piece of garbage. We know that you haven't even started our application yet, you absolute fucking mess of a human being. What have you even been doing? Homework? A likely story.  

 4. "Pledging is Just Like the American Immigration Process!"

When asked to explain why she smokes cigarettes despite concentrating in Public Health, Jameson was quick to explain it was only to keep from hitting her Juul.

Caution, bus is turning. Yes, this bus. Turning now. Right now. 

“Since freshman year, I’ve been throwing all types of coins in there,” said Phenn. “Pennies, dimes, nickels, half-dollars, dollar coins, bitcoins — but nothing has worked."

Meet the Penn senior who combines aromatic spices with dried fruits!

“Yeah, when I heard she was a feminist, I definitely rolled my eyes,” Chad said, shrugging his shoulders, “but I didn’t threaten to boycott the ceremony." He’s so progressive! 

Baker, who refused to concentrate in business analytics in order to focus on finance and real estate, applied for  citizenship in order to stay at Blackstone in New York for a little longer, but little did he know he would now be able to vote as well!

Gone are the days of CS:GO and StarCraft II: Cavalcanti now uses his lil’ battlestation to explore the vast and welcoming realm of digital pleasures.

I entered 1920 Commons quite an everyday fellow: okay character, good head of hair,  a personality both robust and mellow.

“If you guys thought the midterm was tough, try weeding the entire backyard in time for dinner,” Dunkin reminisced, staring off into the distance. “Now that’s what I call tough.”