Susie details her plan to “give up” as sitting in her room in bed until Easter, eating ramen, watching Netflix, and crying.

The game has 16 million plays and its user approval rating is 98%. Said Richie, “Of course God plays Pandemic 2. He basically crafted it himself.” 

Please save the date! We hope to see you for the class of 2020 Commencement Ceremony at the Amy Gutmann field house on May 17th, 2075!

While he could not claim to have ever even left the Philadelphia area nor will he be allowed to for quite some time, Schurr refused to believe anything could top his weekly commutes.

Rather than ask the instructor-moderated message board for personalized help on her environmental science homework, Mason reportedly orders a full-size supreme pizza every time she hits a roadblock.

First, Fro Gro closes its sacred doors, and now Penn is closing due to the “coronavirus?” Sure, Jan. There’s no way we’re believing that nonsense.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Dave later reported from quarantine. “How could so many shoppers be wasting their money buying hand soap, shampoo, and hand sanitizer, when you could just buy a bottle of 3 in 1 for half the price?”

Under the Button reached out to every single one of Greenfield’s high school friends, and was able to get in contact with all both.

Answer choices include the red triangle, blue diamond, yellow circle, and green square.

As the conference call began for URBS 250: City Planning for Climate Change, students began to realize that Professor Stanley Markowitz was going to be that close to the camera the entire call.

Professor Devito will live directly under the bridge but may come out at night and surprise students. 

You know what they say, “cheaters never win,” and I’m learning just how true that is. My laptop is fighting for academic integrity. In short, my computer keeps giving me Drexel ads because it KNOWS that I don’t belong here.

The University declined to respond, citing the inability to hear concerns over the sound of money pouring in from freshman dining plans. 

You thought that dropping a class in the middle of a party, because you didn't want to study for the midterm, was funny. You thought that it was a party trick. It became your party trick. 

“When I first came to Penn, I thought I had the world at my fingertips,” Clyde Orear (C ‘22) recalled, eyes watery. “But it turns out all they teach you here is how to use Analysis ToolPak.”

I also think historians should "stop using the fucking Enlightenment to explain every aspect of 18th-century western birthrate trends.”

"I’d do a lot of stuff for $10. Like I mean, while I do value my dignity, my valuation of it is only $6 — on a good day.”

Keystone Light came in at a close second.

The decision comes in an attempt to curb the rampant complaints of second-hand smoke within the house.

Instead of society deeming him undesirable and unworthy of getting intimate with another human being, Jared will not be fucking to honor his Savior Jesus Christ instead.