Under the Button is part of a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

News


UTB Guide: How to Wait For Your Friends Outside Harnwell Without Looking Like a Hooker

Read a poem. Write a poem. Make the mistake of starting something new.


School Pride: Everyone Sighs Loudly When High Rise Elevator Stops on 4th Floor

Maybe it was about the friends we made along the way.


All of Human History to Now Be Measured as Before SDT Moms Weekend and After SDT Moms Weekend

Although this event of biblical importance happened over two months ago now, its impact on human life will forever and always be marked as a measurement of excellence and achievement.


You Bitch, You! Professor Cancels Class Due to Vague Reasoning, Comes Back with Killer Face Lift

The 75-year-old professor emeritus was repeatedly asked what classes she was taking next semester, mistaken for an undergrad.


Finally: LinkedIn Now Includes Section For Waist Size

I may not know who JP Morgan is but trust me, my size 2 waist is the real investment.



Sheesh: This Homeless Man Just Told You He’ll Also Take Venmo

Usually, you’d say “Sorry, I don’t have any cash on me.” Can’t pull that shit now!


Finally! Penn Dems Adds New Affinity Group for Blue-Eyed Blondes

The oppressed majority.



Cougar Much? Girl (19, Junior) Goes to Date Night With 22 Year Old Freshman

I mean...what a fucking creep, right?


Penn Global Institute for Human Rights Commissioned to Solve Age-Old Dilemma “Is Squirt Just Pee?”

This inquiry, pitched to the Penn Carey Law Global Institute for Human Rights, required an elite force of thinkers to tackle the case.


Omg, Nooo! Girl Whose Texts I’m Reading in Front of Me Tells Friend This Class Is Boring, Friend Agrees

You are so bored and I know how much you hate that.


Girl in Photography Class Who You Thought Was Cool Shows Pictures from Her Fall Break: Actually Upper-Middle Class and Suburban

Scaaaarsdale. Scarsdalé. Dalé! Like Pitbull! Wow. That’s worldly.


All Donors Matter: I’m No Longer an Organ Donor Because I Hate Liz Magill

Now, if I die in combat – as I drive my digital billboard truck – there is no way that anyone at Penn or Liz Magill (we’re both Type O) will receive my bleeding heart, my “BRN” eyes, or my fat ass.



Sniffling Lil Bitch Boy Thinks Using Tissues Makes Him Unmanly

Sniffle, sniffle, little bitch.


Crippling Social Anxiety? Here Are UTB's Top 5 Tips on How to Walk Down Locust

We’ve all been there. It’s 10:07 —  the height of your mad dash to your 10:15 class — and everyone, and I mean everyone seems to be out on Locust. You see your professor, friends, enemies, and wait — is that the one girl your great aunt told you to keep an eye out for? 


Duos This, Gardens That; I Just Wanna Party Party Party Till My Panties Fall Off

When I next put on some groovy flared jeans, I will shake ass. I will party party party till my panties fall down. 


REPORT: $80 For a Farm Wristband Seems Like a Lot, Phi Delt Brother Acknowledges

What if we were so far removed from it all that the lie became the truth?



PennConnects