College is a time full of endless possibilities. It’s very understandable if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the choices your child must navigate. 

Here at Penn we live in more of a petri dish than a melting pot, and so as you slowly fall apart this October and November, check out these 5 supplemental vitamins whose sole function is to keep you operating at a basic human level. 

If you write very lightly, you’ll be able to smoothly erase your entire exam with just this little thing in under 15 minutes.

Looking for the hit of dopamine that comes with the strikethrough of a daunting assignment without doing any additional work? 

When I applied to Penn, I made sure to put the Quad as my top housing priority.

Wow, big flex much?

The weekend is in full swing.

The UN says climate genocide is upon us—who here is tryna fuck?

If the post is popular, there’s a good shot my dad will text me about it. He might even say something encouraging like “Nice job!” or “Cool.” 

Listen, don’t take it personally, but I met your parents this weekend, and now it’s extremely clear to me why and how you suck so much. It’s as if I saw the embodiment of anything and everything that’s wrong with you, except heightened.

His dorm manners are definitely not husband material, but here’s how to see a future with him even though his clothes have probably been sitting in the washer overnight. 

Family weekend is a time wherein students can share their noble yet humbling Penn experience with their closest of relatives. Lucky for you, those relatives went back to their hotels at 7:30… or so you thought.

Hey guys, watch this! I'm gonna murder this Wawa hoagie in one bite. No homo, though.

It’s cold out!!! But then again, it was kind of hot a couple days ago, and that was kind of annoying too.

Friend, thanks so much for reaching out to schedule our monthly catch-up dinner for tonight. I have a crippling fear of social interaction and pass the days convincing myself that my friends all hate me, so this was a lovely surprise!

It’s hard to tell though if a potential boyfriend is flirting with you or just giving you a look while you’re in the middle of a cough attack in Fisher Fine Arts. Here are some tips to figure it out once and for all. 

Hi! I'm a member of Penn Dems. Have you registered to vote? No? Oh, no worries, haha. It just happens to be the most important thing that you could ever possibly imagine doing. No biggie though!

I may be powerless to stop you from blasting EDM at 2 a.m., but we have a public army of guards who will make sure that no innocent civilian is ever subjected to your Diplo remix of a song way more popular than the original.

What a lovely morning I was having. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and I only had two stress dreams the night before.

Are you fresh out of underwear? Don't fear, we've got this one. We've cut down our deluge of delicatessen directions to our top four methods for crafting underwear out of deli meats.