It actually does NOT count as oppression when you walk into United By Blue and learn that they are out of it. 

I worked so hard in high school to prepare myself for the workforce, and now I can't even get a damn interview anywhere.

It is my duty to move to a neighborhood with fast-casual dining options, some warehouses for art or music performances, and streets that are dirty enough to be interesting but not dirty enough that I mess up my Common Projects.

While you all eat your wilted Fresh Grocer produce, I am eating a robust diet of organic vegetables and frozen foods from our friends at TJ’s. This provides the fiber that I need to shit upwards of three times a day. 

I’m now more determined than ever to get a job so that at least I’ll be able to slack off during April.

If you’ve ever heard an effectively pre-pubescent high school boy stutter through the prologue of The Canterbury Tales that he was forced to memorize by an English teacher somewhere along the line, then you’ll understand why Chaucer makes me wet.

There has not been a single night since syllabus week when I haven’t had to stay up to finish a problem set.

By the time I tend to my midterms, improv practice, my work-study job, improv shows, and maintaining my hilarious Twitter brand, I barely have time to eat.

We're spoiling you this year with a part ii of the UTB staff's V-day creations.

Why are y'all gagging — we give it to you every Valentine's day.

Having the intellectual tools to find my future spouse, who is most certainly a practitioner of the dental arts, will be an indispensable life skill.

Despite claims that she has “no time” to do the dishes, clean her room, or make plans with friends, she found an entire hour in her schedule to browse through four websites for shoes during class. 

Pearson has stopped attending lectures and instead sits in his Radian apartment, rewinding the comedy specials in the dark, chuckling manically at the dry humor of the bespectacled man he considers to be his Knowledge God. 

Morozov inhales tar deep into her lungs as often as she can.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it just looks a lot like a C. In early days of February, here are a few signs that you’re already going to fail this course.

Yet almost as quickly as their star rose, it fell. With the loss of Highrise Field, Riddick and Bear’s split seemed almost foretold. 

Victoria Rivers was so inspired when Ted Mosby became the youngest person to ever design a skyscraper in NYC that she declared her major right after the episode aired.

There was just something about her mix of confidence and humility that I was immediately attracted to. With no options left, I shot my shot.

Sorry fraternity pledges, but your startup is about to go under.

I guess I could just stop by the ITA desk and get it done in a night, but I don’t want to be shady. He should be begging me to get on his wifi.