Nothing is truly ever as it seems, yet everything acts in accordance to what you do. Therefore, extend your love to me!

And hey, it’s not like Philly is going to do anything about it. One resident close to the demolished shelter said, “This place kinda sucks” when I asked her how she felt about Penn’s most recent expansion.

Jersey? Hannah is going to OWN a house with a yard? And she is a manager at Super Cuts in Cherry Hill?

This ruined the would-be event of the year for empty-nesters who now have nothing better to look forward to than amateur a cappella.

The critically acclaimed creep show You has a fifth season set in the most perilous, abstract, iridescent slice of paradise: United By Blue (Coffee (Inc(.))).

“Anyone else smell fish?” asked a concerned bystander.

I love you and I don't know your stance on venn diagrams.

For now, engaging in a Mad Fit Workout is merely an unattainable dream, one that I reach for, but never quite reach. 

"I think this one means love... Or if you ask my boyfriend, it means rock on!"

Even if your parents don’t come, it’s still an exciting time — you already know that your roommate is rich, now it's time to see if they also have a hot dad.

Adam was enduring his sixth hour at Penn and ninth hour of “family time” that day.

Bregoli recently had a moving speaking engagement at Oxford University, which is a big deal if you pronounce your r’s weirdly and can’t cook.

He did corporate finance, I wrote about instability in the middle east... we are the posterboys for diversity at Penn. <3

The closest I will ever come to that 10-dollar lox sandwich 

The magazine, known for printing students' grainy low lit nudes and try hard poetry, is venturing into pranks as performance art.

It just needs a zap of electricity to make some basic monomers.

I wish you could see me now, Moelis Family.

They'll try their hardest for a quirky play but settle for generic titles and promotions likeeee??

Home is where John is. 

And look at that — you made a new friend, scaled Penn’s social ladder, and are now one degree of separation from the heir to the Funyuns fortune. Not bad, right?