Listen, I know there’s coffee in it. I know that there’s something else because it’s not just regular coffee. I don’t know how it’s different from a cappuccino or why it seems to cost more. Do I need to know these things to order it everywhere I go? No!

5. Playing Monopoly with your family. For those of you who have a family, it might help your mood to dip your toes in our upcoming anarcho-capitalist dystopia by playing some friendly matches of the board game. 

I used to think that I would never be able to create a masterpiece as good as Veronica Roth's Divergent, but now, with the COVID-19 workshop, I can really imagine what it would be like to live in a world where you can never see the light of day. It’s inspiring!

What classes am I in this semester? Asking for a friend. 

I can literally feel my mental health deteriorating,” lamented Jared over a Zoom video interview, as he sat outside by his heated pool. “It’s going to be tough, but if I pull through this semester and pass all my classes, well, I mean, that’s a true testament to the strength of the human will."

No flippin’ way, man… NO FLIPPIN’ WAY! ARE YOU IN FLIPPIN' SAN FRANCISCO RIGHT NOW?? Is that… IS THAT THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE???

Although graduate programs may be confused as to how to interpret the stickers, I think they’ll quickly learn that anything holographic is innately superior to any sticker that has a flaccid, one-dimensional color scheme.

While we recognize that our establishment is closed, because of your lack of support, we want to assure you that we are still here for you.

This information itself comes from President Donald Trump’s most recent Twitch livestream.

Please remember to keep your umbrellas closed when walking through the wind tunnel; it is a matter of public safety.

“Jokes? What jokes? I don’t write jokes.”

There were empty boxes — empty boxes everywhere. Someone really went to town on Amazon Prime, I thought.

Maybe he's related.... to the Huntsman family...... No, there's no way. It can't be...

Despite leaving them in her charging case for thirty-four minutes prior, her milky white listening devices have failed her. 

Uh-oh… it’s happening again.

“Yeah, now that I think about it, this global pandemic has actually worked out really well for me.” 

Polygamy, the hottest new trend among the twenty-somethings that populate Bushwick’s dive bars, has been an unexpected victim of the coronavirus. 

Experts have estimated this cure will save at least 100,000 lives worldwide.

Sentano hinted at the possibility of a prohibition-themed mixer that could take place in the near future, but would not confirm anything because, "we don't want anyone else to steal our idea."