Oh Gosh: Frat Boy Unsure Whether it’s Demeaning to say ‘Woman’
If you could spare a moment and explain everything ever to me, that’d be awesome.
News
Climate Week: Residential Halls Replace Toilet Paper With Sandpaper to See if Anyone Notices
Yes, it's good for the environment. Who needs beaches anyway?
Oh Gosh: Frat Boy Unsure Whether it’s Demeaning to say ‘Woman’
If you could spare a moment and explain everything ever to me, that’d be awesome.
Mask and Wig to Accept Women, Only if They're Hot Though
Penn’s Mask and Wig Club, the oldest all-male collegiate musical comedy troupe in the United States, will welcome members of all genders for the 2022-2023 academic year, as long as they are physically attractive to current members.
Climate Week: Residential Halls Replace Toilet Paper With Sandpaper to See if Anyone Notices
Yes, it's good for the environment. Who needs beaches anyway?
Emotional! White Frat Boy From Connecticut Admits That He Resonates Deeply With Kendrick Lamar’s Hit Song “M.A.A.D. City”
"Lamar talks about growing up and seeing what gang life does to a person - one time, I saw a homeless man outside of the Whole Foods I go to everyday after practice for sushi."
Student Secures Boyfriend to Connect Laptop to AirPennNet
It has since been revealed that Newark, set to graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Neuroscience next spring, has been using AirPennNet–Guest on her various tablets since NSO freshman year.
Facing Pressure from Divestment Activists, Penn Unveils Second Climate Week
It's no divesting from fossil fuels, but it's a pretty close second.
Castle Brother Found Innocent by Jury of Other Castle Brothers
A carefully selected jury of the assailant's peers (bros) gathered around a courtroom (castle basement) to perform an objective and unbiased analysis of the night's events.
Aw Shucks! Girl Next to You in Lecture Browsing Penn InTouch
She is free and you are not. What are you going to do?
REPORT: Kelly Writers' House Found to Be Even More Erotic Than Berlin Sex Clubs
Recent groundbreaking ethnographic research conducted by the Ginsburg Institute for the Amorous and Desirable has shown that the Kelly Writers’ House exudes more eroticism and sensuality than Berlin’s hottest sex clubs.
FUCK! Not Again! I Dropped Another Fully-Cooked Lasagna Behind the Fridge
Why is there a massive gap between the refrigerator and the back wall that is the perfect size of a lasagna?
Whimsical Girls Will Now Be Administered Mood Stabilizers To Enter Kelly Writers House
This CDC-approved and, in the words of Fauci himself, “awesome” drug is used to soothe the idiosyncratic and manic tendencies of girls whose behavior worsens in creative spaces like the Kelly Writers House.
Engineer Uses 4-in-1 Wash Every 1-in-4 Days
“It’s all a matter of efficiency,” Finnegan explained. “Why would you do something if it’s not efficient?”
Student Awakes from “Quick 20-minute Nap” In Time to Witness Heat Death of Universe
“At first, I was panicking because I thought I had missed anthropology recitation,” Wright related, rubbing his eyes. “But then I saw the remnants of existence decaying around me, and I knew that I had bigger problems to deal with.”
Fact Check: Justin Bieber Was Not Made in America
Spending hundreds of dollars to see American-made pop stars and being duped into seeing a maple syrup manufacturer’s spawn — absurd
300 Professors Petition for Option to Teach Remotely After Receiving Pushback for Jerking Off In-Person
Though primarily a lengthy plea to Penn to let professors masturbate at home, the petition also cited mild concerns over the rising COVID-19 infection rates.
How to Pretend Like You Actually Read the New York Times
Mention that crosswording is not a hobby, it’s a state of mind.
Message to the Penn Community: Germany is Awesome :)
Seriously, I’m not hamming this up for the email or anything. I am genuinely having the time of my life. Hey — race you to the top of Hohenzollern Castle!
BREAKING: Guy in Class Would Like to Direct Group’s Attention to Another Page
At which point, the entire class shat pants.
Fuck: I've Already Farted in All of My Classes
I thought they would come out silently; you’d go about your day with nothing but a subtle, lingering taste of baba ganoush in your mouth, and I’d go about my day with the satisfaction of knowing that I put it there.
Penn, Do Better: Fisher-Bennett East Stairs Violate OSHA 1910.29(b)(1)
Penn, please do better. I don’t want to go over the balcony and turn myself into a pile of hairy strawberry ice cream. Especially in Fisher-Bennett Hall.
