Report: Air Quality in Hotboxed VP Bathroom Better Than Average Room in Quad
The report comes after the discovery of mold in several rooms in the Quad.
Most Recent
OP-ED: I am Short and Pret Scares Me
Ah—to be tall. To be able to reach things on shelves without throwing out your shoulder and collapsing your mold covered Quad closet.
Report: Air Quality in Hotboxed VP Bathroom Better Than Average Room in Quad
The report comes after the discovery of mold in several rooms in the Quad.
Wharton Sophomore Proudly Declares No Need to Go East of Steiny-D Ever Again
Wharton sophomore Aguistin Latimer always wanted a small campus vibe.
OP-ED: I am Short and Pret Scares Me
Ah—to be tall. To be able to reach things on shelves without throwing out your shoulder and collapsing your mold covered Quad closet.
Report: 70% of Penn Undergrads Still Can't Cook Anything Except Mushy Pasta
Although almost a full week has passed since the release of this report, President Amy Gutmann has yet to comment on the matter.
Man Tries Desperately to Absorb Sunlight Before Sun Disappears for Five Months
College senior Mark Judge was recently spotted laying shirtless on Locust Walk, with sunlight hitting his entire body.
'What Really Happened,' by Jared From Your PoliSci Recitation
I, Jared from your PoliSci recitation, am here to tell you what really happened—and no, I won’t be giving you an exit from this conversation.
Sign My Petition To Ban Thunderstorms From Campus
Hey do you have a second? Yea just take your headphones out real quick this’ll only take a minute.
Voting Along Party Lines, Student Selects 'D' for Every Answer on Econ Midterm
Bowers said on exiting Towne “I’m just hoping a lot more people made the choice I made today. Because if not, the curve is really going to fuck me over.”
Class Goes Two Minutes Past 12:50, Whole Class Revolts
Current estimates suggest losses totalling over $10,000, including broken laptops, desks ripped off their hinges, and at least three broken noses and several other alleged broken noses that are being used as excuses to get a nose job.
Pre-Major Advisor Fakes Death, Leaves Country to Avoid Advising Freshmen on Course Registration
Dr. Smith did not respond to requests for comment, but a one-way receipt for a plane ticket to Aruba and her latest Facebook posts show that she is far away from the stresses of dealing with the acne-ridden, stress-fueled, overly affluent freshmen who occupied her previous daily life.
Penn Debate Society Joins Forces with Gritty to Discuss the Inevitable Breakdown of Late-Stage Capitalism
Mayhew also said she and other debaters have been big fans of Gritty for a long time.
OP-ED: I Wouldn’t Be Failing My Midterms If Bob Mueller Would Just Get This Whole Thing Over With Already
Let's just call the whole thing off. You don’t want my grades to be as bad as the President’s, do you?
Student Voter Turnout at Record Low After Postmates Discontinues Ballot Delivery
The service would pick up and drop off ballots for students for only $9.99, traveling distances as far as 0.2 miles (the furthest any student is from a polling location).
OP-ED: Penn’s Hand Foot Mouth Epidemic Can Be Brutal, but It’s One of the Best Things About It
The disease can be brutal, but having it makes you realize just how lucky you are to be a living person with hands, feet, and a mouth.
Student Sitting Around and Texting at Pottruck Actually Doing Vigorous Kegel Workout
Jamie Reston (C '19) entered the gym with the intent to warm up on the elliptical and then jump into a core-blasting pelvic floor exercise.
How Could He?! This International Student Still Hasn’t Registered to Vote
For some reason, the Mexican international just can’t do it, even though he gets pestered by the same, perpetually-smiling guy on Locust every day.
CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby
Unlike the program in Huntsman, non-College students will have equal access to the grandma hired for this position.
New Study Finds that 72% of Students Going to the Bathroom During Class Are Actually Going to Hit Their Juuls
Have you ever been trying to take an innocent trip to the bathroom when, in the next stall over, you hear the tell-tale snap, crackle, pop of a Juul pod that’s less than 50% full?
Comedic Genius Calls Wharton Student a Snake
Lenny Kravetz (C ‘22) entered college without a sense of direction.
OP-ED: I’ve Listened to 'thank u, next' for 24 Hours Straight, but I Still Hate All of My Exes
Dear Ari—may I call you Ari? I hope so. I've been a major Arianator ever since I was 15 and really resonated with your hit single "Side to Side."
