OP-ED: Dear Protesters, I Am a Whore, But Not Because I’m a Feminist
My name is Chad and I’m a whore. I am also a feminist. But Mr. Preacher: being a feminist is not what makes me a whore—I promise.
Most Recent
Senior Girl With $2,400 Rent to Literally Never Leave Smokes
Christie Satterfield (C ’19) doesn’t love her new apartment at The Brian. Sure, it has super cute granite countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, the most lovely waterfall shower and multi-jet bathtub, and such a quaint planetarium off the living room. But it just doesn’t feel like home sweet home.
OP-ED: Dear Protesters, I Am a Whore, But Not Because I’m a Feminist
My name is Chad and I’m a whore. I am also a feminist. But Mr. Preacher: being a feminist is not what makes me a whore—I promise.
Peer Advisor Suggests Trying 'A Little Cocaine' This Semester
Junior peer advisor Julia Cole has started reaching out to her freshman advisees. She’s encouraged them all to contact their pre-major advisor, apply to all the clubs that interest them, and to try some cocaine.
Senior Girl With $2,400 Rent to Literally Never Leave Smokes
Christie Satterfield (C ’19) doesn’t love her new apartment at The Brian. Sure, it has super cute granite countertops in the kitchen and bathrooms, the most lovely waterfall shower and multi-jet bathtub, and such a quaint planetarium off the living room. But it just doesn’t feel like home sweet home.
Freshman Drops Class Because Midterm Will Conflict With Day 2 of Her Period
Lisa Wilcox (C ’22) had everything planned out. A fresh-faced pre-med student ready to take on the world and declare her BBB major (in no particular order), Wilcox was set to knock out all of her introductory science requirements by the end of her freshman spring. Unfortunately, even the best laid plans go awry.
I Lived It: My Fourth NSO Without Losing a Toe
Wow. I never thought this day would come. After hearing the news two years ago about a freshman who managed to lose his big toe during the pool party, I always thought I'd be next. After all, I had already lost two Penn Cards, my pants, and at least a few brain cells during NSO.
OP-ED: Please for the Love of God, Buy My Godzilla-Cover Calc Textbook
Greetings, fellow members of Free & For Sale. I presume many of you are crossing the ol' Formal Reasoning and Analysis requirement off your respective Academic Planning Worksheets this fall. Perhaps the specter of MATH 103 or MATH 104 looms heavy on the horizon. If this indeed be the case, then have I got an offer for you!
OCR or Performance Art? This Sophomore is Wearing a Wool Suit in 100 Degree Weather
Sellout or subversive icon?
Huntsman Closing at 2 a.m. Gives Wharton Students First Ever Urge to be Engaged
With the calm and politically gentle year of 2017, most Wharton students had no idea anything in the world was problematic enough to be deserving of a protest.
5 Dorm Decorations That Will Make People Think You’re Fun and Cool
If you’re not an international student or from New York, it can be hard to make an impactful first impression.
OP-ED: Penn Should Totally Offer Summer Classes!
Once I had this crazy idea, I couldn’t believe that no one had thought of it before.
Rising Junior Ecstatic to Return to Wearing Athleisure Every Day
According to a school-wide survey, Alex Travers (W ’20) is one of the six students excited to return to school this month.
All NSO Events Preemptively Moved to HUP Emergency Room
Citing low attendance in years past to mandatory New Student Orientation events, the University announced Monday that all events this year will be held at its hospital’s emergency room. The move is part of an effort to make attending NSO events more convenient for freshmen.
Uh Oh! New Pool Party Dress Code Excludes Jerseys, Crop Tops, and Privilege
The dress code states that, “under no circumstance are sports jerseys allowed in the vicinity. Please find hip, alternative ways to assert your stomach-churning masculinity. We have faith in you.
NSO Seminar to Teach Mechanisms for Coping With Father’s Indictment While at Penn
The “Daddy Issues: Legal Trouble in the Penn Bubble” seminar will be mandatory for all students whose family names are attached to campus buildings.
Foodie Alert! Incoming Freshman Has Already Secured 5 Zahav Reservations
The early bird gets the worm! Or in this case, rather than a worm, Elizabeth Rogers (C '22) will be getting some Golden Beets and a Syrian Lamb Kabob.
Woah! Andrew Is an Incoming Finance Concentrator at The Wharton School
“I thought when I told the world 2 years in advance that I would be an Investment Banking Summer Analyst at Goldman Sachs, no one could be bolder. But this, this is bold.”
Heartbreaking: "Serial Entrepreneur" Suffering Withdrawal After Not Starting a Fake Company in the Past Two Weeks
When he opened his first lemonade stand at the age of 4, Goldberg knew that he was bound to become a true business mogul. Within years, he had claimed to be the "CEO, Co-Founder, and President" of over a dozen companies.
Sad: Wharton Students Will Be the First Ones Guillotined in the Class War
For years, the people have been struggling underneath your iron boot. But, when they link arms and liberate themselves of their yokes, they are coming for Wharton students first.
Lonely Student at Penn Over the Summer BYOs Banana Leaf By Himself
One family of 4 reportedly witnessed him "slapping the bag by himself," and begging their 4 and 6-year old children to have a boat race with him.
Wharton Transfer Student Isn't so Sure About This Whole "Monetary Policy Thing"
Alessandro Consuelos
Saturday, July 21, 2018Sat, Jul 21, 2018
