The sick, twisted minds behind West and Down will be moving their establishment to an abandoned fish factory in Croatia. The owners said, “We are really excited about the new direction of West and Down, and we know our business model will flourish at Skuša-Šnjur Tvornica.”

But I mean if anyone drops and you need an extra guy I guess I could find the time in my schedule.

I mean, do you even remember 9/11? Do you even know what that is?

“Kelsey just drinks a frighteningly small amount,” said a friend who wanted to remain anonymous.

Jazz&Grooves noted that the search has been challenging due to a lack of clarity on what a gec looks like or even is.

The evil, tormented individuals leading the IAA forced their freshmen to degrade themselves through events like, “optional beer pong,” and “get to know the members night,” and despicable “ice breaker activities.”

“It ultimately came down to us endorsing a candidate we thought could stay awake during a Congressional hearing,” the Center wrote in a statement. “Mr. Biden isn’t senile… but he’s not not senile.” 

She needed to drop all her old friends before she could add the new ones because they just wouldn’t fit together. Unfortunately, as well-intentioned as her plan was, it was doomed to fail. Homstaller was not paying enough attention to the add deadline and ended up dropping all of her friends just before the deadline passed.

I’ll tell him that he shouldn’t be embarrassed about his nightly holy prayer and that he’s free to perform it whether I’m asleep or not. As long as he doesn't insist for me to join him.  

When pressed, Moffit admitted that she can only achieve orgasm if there is a Leuchtturm1917 college-ruled notebook in her immediate vicinity.

Everyone knows that a strut is trendier than a walk, so it should come as no shock that the highly vaunted magazine has chosen this name. The real question is, what took them so long?

McKenzie was really feeling herself that night and decided she wanted to share with her devoted Instagram followers just how great she was feeling. And what better way than with a nude on her rinsta! “Iconic!!”

Some may say I most likely have narcolepsy and should seek treatment. I say yeah, maybe. Or maybe I’m just vibing.

Joe Biden has been flip-flopping for the last 50 years. Meanwhile Col. Sanders has been using the same 11 herbs and spices. Sure, the Colonel is not a seasoned veteran of the political process, but goddamn if that chicken isn’t perfectly seasoned every time.

We tried Trump’s mama bear politics, and people are too scared for Bernie’s papa bear sensibilities, so it’s time to settle right in the middle and get cozy with baby bear Jeb.

"I just think that private enterprise is fundamentally corrupt," remarked Rogers, as he exited his first-class airplane seat returning from his interview which could have easily been conducted via Skype.

Between canvassing, registering voters, and getting positively trashed to cope with the fact that Mike Bloomberg is actually gaining traction, my fellow Dems and I have no time to sleep. That is why we have taken the time to record our most skilled phone bankers in the act. 

The day I stumble upon $1000 in my Venmo balance is the day I decide to wholly commit myself to making Andrew Yang the President of these United States.

Joseph, a high school student with an average 5k time, is one of 10 top students in her 80-person private school class. On top of that, she did research at Penn—and not even for a family friend. 

Buckle up, because this might be a little bit tricky! Will you be able to tell the difference between a dilapidated ghost town and the Weingarten Learning Resources Center? Find out in the quiz below.