Chez Yasmine: Take a Free Napkin, Apple, Water, and Cigarette
Before I discovered Chez Yasmine, I was appalled by Penn's lack of SABSing locations.
News
Nursing Student Uses Note Cards to Remember The Sensation of Sleep
Freshman eyewitness, Shawn Lane spoke to the contents of the card. “I was able to get a closer look. The details were something like…” Lane proceeded to draw the notecard on a piece of paper, which we have transcribed below.
Chez Yasmine: Take a Free Napkin, Apple, Water, and Cigarette
Before I discovered Chez Yasmine, I was appalled by Penn's lack of SABSing locations.
How to Focus in Class Even Though Your Mind Is Wandering to the Purple-Clad Member of the Wiggles
Think about your intense, all-consuming crush instead of Jeff. Never confront them and feel constant dread about it because these are your last few weeks with them. Quickly, a dark cloud of imminent regret will envelop you and taint all of your experiences, including your Legal Studies class, instead of Jeff.
Nursing Student Uses Note Cards to Remember The Sensation of Sleep
Freshman eyewitness, Shawn Lane spoke to the contents of the card. “I was able to get a closer look. The details were something like…” Lane proceeded to draw the notecard on a piece of paper, which we have transcribed below.
Sick! Guy in Front of You Has Night Mode for Excel Turned On
Seems like Ole Maxy forgot to come back to the land of the living after pulling an all-nighter working on his valuation of Toys R Us.
Innovative! This Freshman Boy Has Been Amazon Priming New Underwear All Year Instead of Doing His Laundry
He’s a busy, busy boy with many important things to do, and he can’t be bothered to take care of himself or perform basic life functions.
Student Prepping for SHS Appointment Guzzles 6 Bottles of Gummy Vitamins
It's just like studying for a test. When you don't pay attention all semester, you cram the night before, and then you get an A.
Depressing: "What If?" Grades to Remain Wishful Thinking
Students everywhere are shocked to discover that they were really only fooling themselves with their own rose-tinted grades.
Healthy! Freshman Plans to De-stress Over Break and Take 7 Summer Courses
This summer, Kirkpatrick will be taking CHEM 241, CHEM 242, MATH 241, BIOL 203, BIOL 404, BIOL 407, and CIS 160 (just for fun, of course). Come fall of sophomore year, she will have completed seven full credits worth of pain.
Is This Self-Care? All Calls to CAPS Hotline Now Redirect to Queer Eye Season 3 on Netflix
After an interlude of adult male giggles and exclamations of surprise, culture expert Karamo Brown proclaims, "'Beauty' is knowing that you're worth it," while interior design expert Bobby Berk follows up with "Go out there and find your chosen family!"
Wow! Penn Astronomy Beats Light Pollution, Announces First Ever Picture of Moon
With the light and smog from downtown, you can barely catch anything. That’s why this moon sighting is so, so crucial.
This 16 Year-Old On Tour in his Patagonia Quarter Zip Has It All Figured Out
What can I say? I gave my long-term girlfriend a promise ring last week and we’re staying together through college.
Tiger Woods Attributes Masters Win to Practice with Pottruck Golf Simulator
If only the simulator had a drunk driving setting or an extramarital affair setting built in, it would be perfect.
Shy Senior Rewards Herself with a Full Day of Rest After Participating in Class
Plans for her day of rest included skipping all of her classes, having brunch at a restaurant of her choice, purchasing three new pairs of shoes, and indulging in a Netflix bender.
Amazing! Birthright Really Convinced Sophie Everything in Israel Is “Sababa”
Her trip came in the wake of an incredibly contentious election that put the future of a two-state solution on the line. Amazingly, Birthright managed to convince Sophie that Israel was less of a country with real world policy implications and more of a movie set for her very own eat, pray, love.
In Memoriam of Notre Dame: A Photo Essay of My 2011 Trip to Paris
I have compiled these photos of my European adventure to honor this sacred building in our time of collective grief.
Meet the Man Loudly Revving His Motorcycle Outside Your Window at 11 PM
What kind of twisted soul enjoys blowing out the eardrums of everyone in a 5-mile radius?
Sasha’s Allergies to Blame for Not Having Class Outside
Some classmates had begun to grow suspicious as Jackson sneezed six times merely during the conversation about possibly moving the class outdoors.
College Requirements! Learn a Language at a 3rd Grade Level for Only $40,000
Congratulations! You now possess the ability to make all of your native-speaking friends either sympathetic or uncomfortable.
Senior Can’t Satisfy Girlfriend or Sector Requirements
Last weekend he went down on me and when he was ‘done,’ he asked if that could double-count for the rest of the week.
In Wake of UA Elections, Student Body Remembers That It Doesn't Matter
Now, the votes have been cast, and a new board has been selected, and the Undergraduate Assembly can finally return to not impacting the day-to-day life of students as it was designed to do. Finally students can take a deep breath and focus on things that actually matter, ranging from doing laundry to literally anything other than UA.
