After just a few nibbles of his food, Michael quickly felt an unsettled shift in his guts.

It may not be snowing yet, but the inside of Huntsman already looks like a bona fide winter wonderland.

According to eyewitness reports, Joseph Sockless (W '19) abruptly started sentences with “alright…” four separate times last night while attempting to leave a group of friends in order to lie in bed restlessly for hours.

Construction of New College House West will begin next week, just in time to create a pleasant soundtrack of jackhammers and dynamite for students studying for finals.

Last Friday, visitors to the Fisher Fine Arts Library found themselves at the center of a terrifying confrontation.

"We did it. We did surgery on a grape."

All hell broke loose when the topic of the trade war came up.

Embarrassing! Sam Sun’s (C '21) Spotify followers totally saw him bopping to Sheck Wes’s "Mo Bamba" at 10 a.m.! “It helps me wake up,” he protested when asked about these claims.

"We must celebrate our differences. My own mother was 35% vegan on her father’s side. Hummus runs in my veins!"

Though they agree that Pottruck deserves this honor, Penn students are split on whether the excessive grunting is something to be addressed or celebrated.

When asked for his greatest quality, Matt Oliver (W ‘20) would probably respond with his ability to multitask.

"I guess I’ll go, but if she wears a sash or posts a photo with those obnoxious balloons, I swear to God..."

Have you ever seen Dean Furda and George Lopez in the same room? The answer is yes; you just haven’t realized it.

Duty calls, and sometimes it calls outside the comfort of your apartment's shared toilet.

Martin Clarence (C ’20) discovered something he'd long been suspecting: He is, in fact, better than other people. He is a hero.

“Penn students can be so intense and inauthentic. I needed to unwind with my best buds back home and enjoy some genuine human connection.”

Most professors covet a 4.0 rating on Penn Course Review. Dr. Eric Malor wishes he could get rid of his.

Researchers at the Wharton Behavioral Lab have found a near perfect correlation between kids who bullet journal and kids say that growing up with a dog was “so annoying,” a proxy for psychopathy. 

While talking with a friend, he stated, "Yeah I’m not religious per se, but I am spiritual."

To the surprise of literally none of his hallmates, Engineering freshman Brad Hawkins has been caught listening to Carly Rae Jepsen’s hit 2012 single “Call Me Maybe” for the sixth time.