Beats Pill Announced as 2019 Commencement Speaker
Much of the praise for the speaker involved its superior battery life.
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5 Laptop Stickers to Show Everyone Just How Intellectual You Are
Luckily, at UTB, we have devised a highly scientific method of determining which laptop stickers toe the line between being an obnoxious braggart and a saintly intellectual.
Beats Pill Announced as 2019 Commencement Speaker
Much of the praise for the speaker involved its superior battery life.
Aw: This Couple Is Matching with the Same Wheezing Cough
They are practically inseparable. They eat, sleep, and even bathe together!
5 Laptop Stickers to Show Everyone Just How Intellectual You Are
Luckily, at UTB, we have devised a highly scientific method of determining which laptop stickers toe the line between being an obnoxious braggart and a saintly intellectual.
"I Hate My Life" Complains Student Experiencing Best 4 Years of Her Life
Despite living minutes from her friends, enjoying her first experiences with drugs and alcoholic substances, and being at the highest level of fitness she will ever achieve, Raymond is often found angrily tweeting about her situation.
Oh No: Timothee Chalamet Spotted Loitering in the Peach Aisle of FroGro Again
Witnesses say they saw him skulking near the stone fruits – which are currently not even in season – wearing dark sunglasses and a hoodie as he impishly licked his lips.
Curve Breaker: Wharton Student Hires Crisis Actors to Fail Econ
When an Econ 001 midterm threatened to lower her 4.00 GPA, Sacks was forced to take desperate measures.
Get You a Girl That Can Do Both! I Love Socialism and Urban Outfitters
Workers of the world unite! But can you not, like unite SO much? I still want my crop tops.
Only Cockroaches and Engineering Student Wearing T-Shirt in 20-Degree Weather Will Survive Nuclear Holocaust
We have yet to determine to what extent, if any, they feel pain.
Whole Girl Gang Ready to Develop Deep Hatred of Each Other in Cabo This Spring Break
Mom-friend Carrie Peters is getting ready for the loathing to peak when the quietist of the bunch, Kristy Porter, gets drunk off piña coladas on the beach one afternoon and opens up about every time over the last three years the girl gang fucked her over.
OP-ED: These Articles Embarrass My Family and Haunt My Future Job Search, so Please at Least like Them
Let’s be honest: when I’m in job interviews, I say I write for the Daily Pennsylvanian.
OP-ED: I Would Totally Send My Daughter to Public School, but It’s Important to Me That She Tries Water Polo
How else will she be a nationally ranked athlete unless she joins a sport that less than 5,000 people in America play?
Jon Bon Jovi and 4 Other Things That Help Me Celebrate My White Heritage
Although it is is besieged on all sides by companies who refuse to write “Merry Christmas” on their holiday beverage cups and by foods that have just a little too much seasoning, I would like to take the time to stop and really appreciate what white people have contributed to our society.
Kanye Names His Child New College House West
Apparently, the Kendall Jenner spotting at City Tap really made quite the impression on campus, and Kanye was thrilled at the news that Penn had decided to name a whole College House after his unborn son.
Math Professor Nakia Rimmer’s Lecture Recordings Sweep Oscars
Math professor Nakia Rimmer’s lecture recordings were a smash success at the 91st Academy Awards last night in Los Angeles. The recordings were nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, and Best Actor. They won them all.
OP-ED: How One Game of Marry, Fuck, Kill Got Me a Job at Bain
See, I prepared case studies and an impeccably rehearsed monologue about the biggest challenges I’ve ever faced, but they never asked me any of that.
OP-ED: Yeah He’s Hot, but He Only Has Three Beer Bottles Lined up on His Shelf
They were domestics also. There was a PBR, which, well, who buys PBR in a glass bottle?
Penn Admissions Officers Retire en Masse to Avoid 10 Years of Reading Oscar Hopefuls’ Essays
We’ll probably have to close Engineering and Nursing and just dump the endowment on Cinema Studies.
English Major to Graduate Having Read First 10 Pages of Hundreds of Great Books
For the rest of his life, Patrice’s degree in English will be a signal to all that he is a well-read man of letters, capable of discussing a wide range of literature in detail.
OP-ED: I Could Also Win an Oscar If I Tried, I’m Just Kind of Busy Rn
"I haven't had time to get everything together yet, but if I did I feel like my movie would probably be groundbreaking like hers is"
Impressive: This Junior Is Somehow Only in One Club
Surprisingly, Beth not only has a social life without 4 clubs scheduling her entire weekend, but she also has more time for the almost extinct practices of "exploring the city" and "exercising."
