Generous: SHS to Provide Communal ChapStick This Fall
It’s obvious that we’re blessed to go to Penn. We have great sports teams, a robust counseling program, and cold weather.
Most Recent
Research Shows: Cali Bro Still Wearing Tank Tops Not Cold Resistant, Just a Tool
Researchers at Penn are investigating a specific breed of person who may require no such protection from the elements: the tank-top-flaunting “Cali Bro.”
Generous: SHS to Provide Communal ChapStick This Fall
It’s obvious that we’re blessed to go to Penn. We have great sports teams, a robust counseling program, and cold weather.
Cool, This Dude Leaned So Far Back In His Chair That He’s Basically In My Lap
Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?
Research Shows: Cali Bro Still Wearing Tank Tops Not Cold Resistant, Just a Tool
Researchers at Penn are investigating a specific breed of person who may require no such protection from the elements: the tank-top-flaunting “Cali Bro.”
5 Steps to Stop Shirking Your Club Responsibilities Once and For All
Life has been busy. Homework is endless. You were supposed to send those emails a while ago.
Slow Down There Pardner! I Ain’t Lookin' to Duel—It’s Just so Cold I Put My Hands in My Front Pockets
Woah there bucko! Git that duelin’ look out yer eyes.
Thoughtful Roommate Leaves Dirty Pan Out for Next User
Local hero Dana Klein (C ’20) had both the environment and her roommate’s wellbeing in mind last Thursday when she left her dirty pan on the stove after cooking a somehow-burnt batch of scrambled eggs.
Wow! Student Downloads F.lux, Gains Power of The Sun
For years, Gene Klein (W ’21) has been complaining about his lack of sleep.
OP-ED: I Only Fuck High Metabolism Athletes Because They Can Eat More of This Pussy
Saturday, Nov. 3, 2018Sat, Nov 3, 2018
Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.
OP-ED: I'm Out East This Weekend, I'll Circle Back With You on Monday
I know that this may be kind of inconvenient for some of you, but I promise I'll circle back with you on Monday. Let's put a pin in whatever we're working on until I get back. Just don't email me, please.
Penn Research Study Shows if One More Person Talks to Me Today I Will Fucking Lose It
New research conducted by Penn psychologists has concluded that if one more person talks to me today, I will absolutely fucking lose my shit.
'Where in New Jersey Are You From?' and 3 Other Stupid Questions Only Penn Students Ask
Oh, you're from South Jersey? Well, no one cares.
OP-ED: I Drink, Wash My Dishes, and Bathe in Wawa Water
Wawa water is not just for drinking.
Penn Wellness Initiative Announces Plan To Gently Kiss Every Student On The Forehead, Tell Them They Have A Cute Smile
The Penn Wellness Initiative announced their plan to improve mental health on campus by lightly kissing each student on their foreheads and say “You have such a cute smile” before lifting their lips from their skin.
Our Date Was Going so Well, Until He Had to Get Extra White Sauce
Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.
Evacuate the Dance Floor: I Want to Listen to '20 Something' by Sza Alone in the Middle of This Frat Party
Thanks especially to the brothers of Gamma Rho Kappa Kappa Upsilon Phi Beta Beta Beta for putting on this shindig—it’s been a blast.
Local Student Beginning to Suspect That Friend Group Has Trouble Distinguishing Between Hilarious, Ironic Jokes About Depression and Identical, Completely Serious Cries for Help
Last Thursday morning started out normally for Kevin Brown (C ‘20).
BREAKING: Phone Contact’s Last Name Genuinely Is Tinder
Friends of Rachel Moore (C '19) were shocked yesterday when her phone buzzed with a new message from Mike Tinder.
Penn Launches New Haunted House Attraction, Literally Just DRL
After last semester's failed attempt to turn the David Rittenhouse Laboratory into a romantic Valentine's Day date spot, the Penn administration has decided to repurpose the home of the Math, Physics, and Virginity departments for the Halloween season.
OP-ED: It’s Not Penn Face, I Genuinely Enjoy Taking 7 Classes, Being on the Executive Board of 18 Clubs, and Applying to 97 Internships
I really couldn’t imagine myself being any happier here at Penn. I’m so lucky to be in a place that not only allows me to excel academically, but also elevate and find more new interests and passions than my peers!
Pumpkin Spice Latte Too Spicy for White Freshman
Having heard rave reviews from his friends, College freshman Davis Grant decided it was time to expand his horizons and try a pumpkin spice latte.
