CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby
Unlike the program in Huntsman, non-College students will have equal access to the grandma hired for this position.
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Comedic Genius Calls Wharton Student a Snake
Lenny Kravetz (C ‘22) entered college without a sense of direction.
CAPS Will Now Station Local Grandma Who Believes Therapy is 'Full of Shit' in Van Pelt Lobby
Unlike the program in Huntsman, non-College students will have equal access to the grandma hired for this position.
New Study Finds that 72% of Students Going to the Bathroom During Class Are Actually Going to Hit Their Juuls
Have you ever been trying to take an innocent trip to the bathroom when, in the next stall over, you hear the tell-tale snap, crackle, pop of a Juul pod that’s less than 50% full?
Comedic Genius Calls Wharton Student a Snake
Lenny Kravetz (C ‘22) entered college without a sense of direction.
OP-ED: I’ve Listened to 'thank u, next' for 24 Hours Straight, but I Still Hate All of My Exes
Dear Ari—may I call you Ari? I hope so. I've been a major Arianator ever since I was 15 and really resonated with your hit single "Side to Side."
Generous: SHS to Provide Communal ChapStick This Fall
It’s obvious that we’re blessed to go to Penn. We have great sports teams, a robust counseling program, and cold weather.
Cool, This Dude Leaned So Far Back In His Chair That He’s Basically In My Lap
Um, excuse me. Can I help you? What are you doing?
Research Shows: Cali Bro Still Wearing Tank Tops Not Cold Resistant, Just a Tool
Researchers at Penn are investigating a specific breed of person who may require no such protection from the elements: the tank-top-flaunting “Cali Bro.”
5 Steps to Stop Shirking Your Club Responsibilities Once and For All
Life has been busy. Homework is endless. You were supposed to send those emails a while ago.
Slow Down There Pardner! I Ain’t Lookin' to Duel—It’s Just so Cold I Put My Hands in My Front Pockets
Woah there bucko! Git that duelin’ look out yer eyes.
Thoughtful Roommate Leaves Dirty Pan Out for Next User
Local hero Dana Klein (C ’20) had both the environment and her roommate’s wellbeing in mind last Thursday when she left her dirty pan on the stove after cooking a somehow-burnt batch of scrambled eggs.
Wow! Student Downloads F.lux, Gains Power of The Sun
For years, Gene Klein (W ’21) has been complaining about his lack of sleep.
OP-ED: I Only Fuck High Metabolism Athletes Because They Can Eat More of This Pussy
Saturday, Nov. 3, 2018Sat, Nov 3, 2018
Look: We are all watching our weight, and some men can’t afford to eat very much of this pussy.
OP-ED: I'm Out East This Weekend, I'll Circle Back With You on Monday
I know that this may be kind of inconvenient for some of you, but I promise I'll circle back with you on Monday. Let's put a pin in whatever we're working on until I get back. Just don't email me, please.
Penn Research Study Shows if One More Person Talks to Me Today I Will Fucking Lose It
New research conducted by Penn psychologists has concluded that if one more person talks to me today, I will absolutely fucking lose my shit.
'Where in New Jersey Are You From?' and 3 Other Stupid Questions Only Penn Students Ask
Oh, you're from South Jersey? Well, no one cares.
OP-ED: I Drink, Wash My Dishes, and Bathe in Wawa Water
Wawa water is not just for drinking.
Penn Wellness Initiative Announces Plan To Gently Kiss Every Student On The Forehead, Tell Them They Have A Cute Smile
The Penn Wellness Initiative announced their plan to improve mental health on campus by lightly kissing each student on their foreheads and say “You have such a cute smile” before lifting their lips from their skin.
Our Date Was Going so Well, Until He Had to Get Extra White Sauce
Our first date was going so well, so I thought why not take it to the next level and go to a food truck.
Evacuate the Dance Floor: I Want to Listen to '20 Something' by Sza Alone in the Middle of This Frat Party
Thanks especially to the brothers of Gamma Rho Kappa Kappa Upsilon Phi Beta Beta Beta for putting on this shindig—it’s been a blast.
Local Student Beginning to Suspect That Friend Group Has Trouble Distinguishing Between Hilarious, Ironic Jokes About Depression and Identical, Completely Serious Cries for Help
Last Thursday morning started out normally for Kevin Brown (C ‘20).
