Fossil Free Penn Announces That Oil Rigs Actually Kind of Gnarly When You Think About It
"These big drills, right, they just go vrrrrrr, and then they go into the ground and take the oil. And that’s our oil now. We’ve fucking claimed that shit.”
Most Recent
Let’s Make One Thing Clear: Girls Like Bad Boys, And Bad Boys Break the Campus Compact
The nice guy cares about the community and others, and is a lame-ass little bitch. What girls want is big parties and casual hook up sessions, not Zoom dates with the Green Pass guy.
Fossil Free Penn Announces That Oil Rigs Actually Kind of Gnarly When You Think About It
"These big drills, right, they just go vrrrrrr, and then they go into the ground and take the oil. And that’s our oil now. We’ve fucking claimed that shit.”
Sup Bro: Do You Mind Proofreading My Essay?
Yeah, just read it over and add a few suggestions or something. I’ll take a look at it once I get back from Smokes. Don’t be afraid to tear it to shreds — it’s due at midnight.
Let’s Make One Thing Clear: Girls Like Bad Boys, And Bad Boys Break the Campus Compact
The nice guy cares about the community and others, and is a lame-ass little bitch. What girls want is big parties and casual hook up sessions, not Zoom dates with the Green Pass guy.
Meet the Student Responsible for 127 of Penn's 250 Campus Violations
Jones has been convicted of 2 accounts of arson, an assault, 3 bouts of breaking and entering, 4 public urination offenses, many speeding charges, 1 parking ticket, and 53 accounts of vandalism.
Hate Crime Club Rebrands as Anti-Crime Club to Avoid Confusion
The branded white hats the club ordered will also have to be returned.
You Know Hemo’s Food Truck? You Were Right, Hemo Is Short for Hemorrhoids
We’ve all been there - 2AM on a Thursday night, one failed booty call away from dropping out and becoming a full time incel when we open our fridge and find our tub of Hemo sauce, glowing in the midst of so much darkness.
Ethics Professor Really Reaching to Justify Suspiciously Personal Scenario
u201cNow, letu2019s assume that Maria were to, say, offer a student extra credit in exchange for cocaine. My question is: would this be ethical? And if so, why?u201d
Penn Sophomore Experience: Tied Up at the Bottom of NCH West, Eating Dog Shit
But at the end of the day, it’s an experience like no other, meant to bring you closer to your classmates. That is, if they are able to survive...
Girl Who Hates Her Birthday Makes Big Deal About Birthday
I am a cool, chill girl who just doesn’t care about my birthday.
Ego of the Weak: Class Board
UTB Staff
Tuesday, March 2, 2021Tue, Mar 2, 2021
CB: We all have anxious-preoccupied attachment styles and need constant validation and love from all of our peers, whether or not it is coerced, to feel like life is worth living. Oh, and we really wanted to get into Friars.
Penn to Introduce PennOpen Pass+ For High-Paying Red Passes
For $50 a week, students with red Passes can go wherever they want: dining halls, other college houses, Center City — you name it.
Guy Who Played Penn Masala Song During Make Out Session Not Even in Penn Masala
At one point, the guy stopped his motion and whispered into the air: “Alexa, play Musafir by Penn Masala.”
Wellness Win! University Administration Claims We've Gotten Days off School
Claudia Hogan
Monday, March 1, 2021Mon, Mar 1, 2021
Students everywhere rejoiced as they realized that in addition to not having any classes that meet on Fridays, they have also been given most Fridays off.
OP-ED: COVID-19 Sucks, But Old People Suck More
I just think that before we have a conversation about the negative effects of COVID, we should just quickly talk about the negative effects of the elderly.
Exclusive Hot Bitch Location: The High Rise Stairwells
Want to look like the most exclusive, hottest bitches in Philadelphia? UTB did all the hard work for you and found out where they all like to hang out.
BREAKING: If Wendell Pritchett Sees His Shadow, We Get Vaccines Before May
Last year, when he didn’t see his shadow, Pritchett announced that all students should rapidly abandon campus and finish the semester online.
It's Not Junk Food, Mom: I'm Carrying on the Duchampian Tradition of the Readymade
For the last time, Mommy: stop calling my Cheetos “junk food”. They are far, far more important than you will ever know.
Meet the Three People from the Class of 2025 Who Aren’t College YouTubers
Liwa Sun
Saturday, Feb. 27, 2021Sat, Feb 27, 2021
“When I opened the decision portal when it came out, the thought of filming my reaction never crossed my mind,” said Delaney.
OP-ED: Hey, Kid, Life Is Pass/Fail
Claudia Hogan
Saturday, Feb. 27, 2021Sat, Feb 27, 2021
This means that I’m not going to get sucked into the rat race of academic success or other traditionally accepted forms of success.
No, Seriously. Why Is Every TA Hot?
My sources tell me that I need to contact the professor if I’m interested in becoming a teaching assistant, but as a pretty person, I’ve never been one to have to ask for what I want.
