K&K: Ultimately, I am obsessed with hearing the sound of my own voice — in fact, when other people speak, it makes me viscerally sick. I’ve also always had a proclivity for backward walking and repressing my trauma and would be thrilled to add both to my resume.
“Slipping and sliding with all my new friends made me realize the tuition really was worth it,” freshman Colin Mann said.
K&K: Ultimately, I am obsessed with hearing the sound of my own voice — in fact, when other people speak, it makes me viscerally sick. I’ve also always had a proclivity for backward walking and repressing my trauma and would be thrilled to add both to my resume.
“Why did no one tell me?” she groaned.
“Slipping and sliding with all my new friends made me realize the tuition really was worth it,” freshman Colin Mann said.
“My great grandfather was Italian, and I absolutely LOVE going to Latin BBQ every year. It’s one of my favorite Penn traditions,” stated White.
Especially in these unprecedented times, CAPS is more committed than ever to creating a safe and caring environment for Penn’s diverse student body.
Oh, the humanity! I can’t bear to watch. Prepare yourselves — we are about to have a very large pile of rubble and cocaine on our hands.
Start lying about your age before the world attempts to thrust responsibilities upon you that provide nothing but stress and general confusion.
By that logic, we might as well not cheat at all, but the game theory example of the prisoner’s dilemma would point out something that I could also quickly look up if asked about on an exam.
We all know that doors are all a little bonkers, but these seven doors are TOTALLY unhinged!
Slurp, slurp, you disgusting soon-to-be sophomores. Don’t throw out your straws and shovels just yet — Amy Gutmann announced that it’s another year of the trough for you pathetic, pasty piggies.
You, dear reader, are presented today with a similar, devastating predicament: Do you invite me to your party OR know that I will shut down your shindig out of spite and hot jealous rage?
One measly day isn’t enough to process the trauma of calling your professor Mom, let alone one to four whole years of undergrad. Yo, Gutmann! Don’t leave me high and dry here.
Minaj has not commented personally on the donation, but insiders say Nicki was worried about a few fans — known to the community as Barbz — who expressed their struggles with Penn's psychological services.
Or perhaps all along they’ve been the thing stopping themselves from achieving happiness. No, that’s not possible--it’s not as though they sabotage themselves by having 7+ hours of screen time, eating 1.5 meals a day, and sleeping only 4 hours.
If Penn hopes to achieve economic and political sovereignty, we must start by taking over the economy of Philadelphia.
They thought that they were simply built different and that their stupid little February birthdays were safe. But now who has the last damn word?
Statistically significant results found that a maximized joint slay between besties resulted in loving and long-lasting relationships. No joint slay? The results were much more ominous for these besties.
It doesn't matter if @homewrecker69 Tweets "P*nn sucks because it's so elitist," seniors will keep applying.
Ha! Hah! Ha-ha-aha! Oh, what sport! What astounding, overflowing levity! Man, this is liberating. Grant me restraint, Euphrosyne! I beg of you.
"I knew that Penn had a wide variety of food trucks. But of all the colleges that I considered, Penn was the only college that had a marijuana truck,” said Thead.
Solutions by The State News
